Really have no way to evade the memories, I've been stuck 17 years with 1 memory of story creation of the small girl. I wonder why they had a togetherness of adding me in Plato: boy22223, MoodQuo34, if they have split-up from friend of the small girl that hate a man to experience like that and revenge "for me", but created story I went out with mother of small girl's boyfriend.
I remember Wali Allah said the small girl's boyfriend will recover at 41 years old, instead at first to be 38 years old like me. It's because he punishes the small girl with a scary rape story, he pretended being raped by small girl's father. I wonder how much penalty small girl or her father would get. Small girl seemed haven't experienced believing it yet, but as schizophrenic understand schizophrenic, she would thought it really happened too.
She definitely will feel hot from anger and being patient, her heart would burn equivalent of my pain somehow, but a girl to be single until 41 years old isn't it bad(her recovery), I think story of her is something like this.
I definitely in a lot of delusion, from small girl's creation of story, I even think doctor said: I will become right hand man of Imam Mahdi at 44 years old, then if Wali Songo have a 10th Person, it would be me, I really want to become someone special in the eyes of Muslims. It's too high status definitely cool and interesting if such thing happened, I feel Wali Songo is unique and only have 9 making it cool if I'm made the 10th.
I don't know why it's like this, but I think if I'm in a lot of pain, I would write a lot of nonsense or something like this - sayings of doctors. I really plan to understand reading Arabic by 38 years old. I hope I become somebody in the eyes of Allah too, I find it interesting how Wali Allah knows without looking I think, I would want to be like them too, but I'm a Tattooed Man, I think I would only spend time zikir instead of solat and can't be like them due to my type of pain. I really can't do anything.
Another saying of Wali Allah is: I would have a small lorry by age of 39, I really would have a driving license by age 38? I'm truly happy and wanting to believe that I recover by then. Small lorry is happiness of kids type of age sitting at the back it's definitely a lot of adventure and I truly goal to become "The Best Uncle in the World", and doctor ever said I am really the "Best Uncle in the World" by psychic knowledge. Means I am actually a fun loving uncle to my niece and nephews, even if I haven't communicated with them yet, I truly goal for their happiness like telling my 1st sister that "love since kindergarten maybe exist, and to not forget about it could be true love", thinking of my situation of (S). I really want my niece and nephews to be happy and not experience life like me. It's weird how they are not angry at small girl for fixing my mindset for 17 years into 1 story-creation of hers, they just tell me to look for future in my life.
Today I ate Nutella until finish, only got to create 3 slice of bread with Nutella and it's finished. I filled my hunger with Nutella and satisfied about it, I'm craving for Epok2 Kentang but it's too late and I'm saving money even if it costs only $1.50, it's difficult for me.
I'm sad like how my parents are not loving for me to achieve a nice love story, I really want my niece and nephews to experience the best and fastest it can be. I remember doctor said I will play M.L with my nephew, niece's boyfriend and doctors, then won the Champions getting $5000 or $15,000 in winnings, means I will really bond with them 1 day after my recovery. Doctors are really psychic and I find my life special Abit because of having Psychics' and Wali Allah's Knowledge.
The pain on my left arm created me emotional writer today and loving-life imagination, I really hope for a nice life of my niece & nephews while I think of my pain.
None of them angry at small girl for creating a story that lasts for 17 years in my life mindset, it's weird I have to go through this and they are not angry about it, it's weird too they don't talk about the small girl, the pain from the small girl is really bad. She's energetic about "perang with boyfriend" to win my life somehow, weird energy about Muslim. It's really bad then her boyfriend gets schizophrenia because I think the person that she told what she did to me revenged instead and dislike a man(me) to go through something like this in life.
I think and hope this is my last writing about the small girl, and I hope my family will be nicer to me like my mother truly didn't care if I don't get (S) at all, it's weird but she really don't want to effort it seems like it the answer. I really feel I lost (S) in my life so many times even if we met at difficult places, (S) don't really care if we don't meet again or keep in touch. She definitely can't know where to find me? But I heard of her knowing my address to come close so that I recover from schizophrenia is like a magic, when she's close I will recover from schizophrenia.
Now is 17 Dec and still no story of Soldier Job, it's maybe June next year then I assume. It's Day 125th of medication outside ward and +48 total days of medications = 173, just 10 more days left and I would be half year done "on medications".
Tomorrow my nurse would come and visit me I hope it's smooth like how the suspense from schedule created me, I hope it's nothing at all too, just talks about jobs I think, he only will visit for 6 mths after I complete medication, means maybe until February next year as I out of ward on 15 August.
Sad if I have to be warded again and live the smelly life in ward, the people there after using toilet keeps worrying me of staining the scent at my bed area, it's because of not wanting injection but just taking the medicine by mouth, the change of medicine maybe require to be warded again. It's sad it have to be like that the procedure, I really don't want to feel lonely again of the same thing in ward. I hope doctor won't Ward me again and just change my medicine normally.
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