Tuesday, September 30, 2025

Like Complete Lifestyle

Bicycle have made me happier after the New Wallet, it came with Torchlight, Bell and a Small Pump made me happier too.

Fixing the Seat, Light and Bell Costs $10 Only, I'm happy and Satisfied too.

My FILA Jacket also arrived late and feel complete as imagine at night riding bicycle with the jacket and t-shirt.

What's making life more complete is Saturday I'm thinking of jogging at 7A.M for 3 Rounds at Tekong Park then go home. I read exercises makes our life happier and more energetic. I really hope the end of pain of schizophrenia is this time. It's a hot feeling I wonder if it's spike as the secret fact, does this mean I have been continuously spiked for many years everytime then? It feels like 3 times only though, the person will enter D.R.C? I imagine schizophrenia he won't enter D.R.C then, I really don't know is it really fair?

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Went out just now to eat Nasi Ayam at 888 just to use bicycle. It's still nice like it can be used as exercising way too I think, exercise using bicycle? Why is life boring daily like this, what should I do on my phone as have no one to contact? Mobile Legends? What happened during the 15+years of not contacting anyone? Will I really become someone better soon? This been too long, people been earning money while I'm like stuck in life, how can my life improve other than jogging?

Monday, September 29, 2025

Just normal life

The Data is Only 398mb now, happy and satisfied how I got to use my Data at Batam, it's knowing how Fast it is too(The Usage).

Wow can see my happiness 400gb to use and it's not even 1gb yet, the Android usage definitely fit normal lifestyle and it's been nothing wrong, did I only discover it this year and people been talking about it long time ago? I wonder until like this, my loss of life experience. It's still morning now, when going home at Batam I ate chicken and meat then prata at harbourfront mrt then that's all.

Managed to save $10 for the Saturday and Sunday At Batam I imagined myself $5/day, finally the Saving Container will be used. I just want to feel normal life again.

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Ate nasi lemak ikan bilis $2. I imagine using NetShare+ and having a laptop, the internet will be fun like get to do the lifestyle desires when I was teens to have laptop outdoor and use it. Now no idea of what to use it for, YouTube music and Facebook maybe? In the past I was imagining psybnc and bot biz on irc using laptop as such. Maybe collection of photos on laptop to upload after having fun or walking around Singapore, using digicam or android camera, life will be fun again somehow I think. Only laptop to think about then it's about jobs or even imagine 1 year as truly fast due to being 37years old now, then the big g.s.t package for laptop, then it's still happiness at 38years old. My imagination of life I didn't get to do them and the businesses(irc psybnc/znc and bot) really doesn't happen anymore to do them.

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Ate roti john $5 using CDC voucher. Wonder why my life is okay, is it because my mother is too old already 70 so I don't work as okay? Wonder why they not in rush over 15+yrs I don't really work, it's weird.

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Bicycle have arrived. Happy and Satisfied.

Saturday, September 27, 2025

Now At Batam

Bought new wallet "Horse Imperial" makes me feel complete. About lifestyle.
Now only need to remember fishing maybe it's common sense or to try throwing around inside house to get the idea of bait going into sea.
What I ate here yesterday are high satisfaction, ikan bakar, ayam penyet, banana chocolate cheese and ubi/keledek cheese, Milo and Ice Lemon Tea.
Now just worried how money finishes and having to wait for g.s.t package again, how I am unhealthy to work and earn like others' normal life as thinking of my new nice wallet.
I definitely shouldn't smoke at all, it's just the crave that goes away maybe even after hours that there will be a difficult moment like dark vision or it was spike on it? Maybe I mistaken Crave of cigg. and Spike as the same feeling?
Maybe sometimes what I write is enough then I just like "feeling complete", like photos of experiences I want to remember how I write about my life on old blog.
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Ate lunch, satisfying chicken, udang tepung and meat with Milo Ice.

Friday, September 26, 2025

Sadness music & boredom

Listening to happy songs like create sadness because have nothing to be happy about.

Life is boring, don't know how long the spike will last it's just too bad or evil?

Why am I shocked I am 37yrs old yet only have this kind of energy to make effort of happiness? Radio really helps a bit, I listen to 89.7, 87.8, 94.2 and 90.5 then definitely try 98.0 too, I ever believe of luck in life by the kind of radio frequency I listen to, it's because of schizophrenia.

Thursday, September 25, 2025

Still feel unhealthy

Don't feel like there's a shortcut to happiness at 37years old, wonder what happens at 38years old. I unpublish 1 of my post because it's like a spiked writings, the unhealthiness is really hated, it's like cigg. quitting moment the fear appear in heart(side effect of quitting cigg.), I wonder what can I do to feel better, the imagination is more than 12hrs after awake at 5 to 6.55a.m that I have nothing to do, maybe it's the spike causes it. Waking up earlier is either happy because sleep easier for nighttime or feel abnormal as wake up very early. I think going through 2nd try of quitting cigg. Whatever the bad feelings to ignore I guess. It's supposed to be like this anyway, if on nicotine patch, nicotine still enters body I think it's about the same, stormking is just a smallest tobacco packet for sale. I think I won't regret somehow can happen too, maybe it's just the 38years old then happy thing in mind. Stormking have sweet paper is why maybe sweetness was needed should've bought grape mentos then won't regret I guess.

Sunday, September 21, 2025

Still Bad Headache

Still having my bad headache on the left side of my brain, don't know if it's memory-stuff causing it or just the bad flu(noseblock) at that time.

I miss my life how it should be like, like no hotness at all maybe others never felt it is why they able to work and all, even jog and exercise.

Why do I waste years like nothing and still hoping psychic will help me somehow like telling answers and about my soulmate, about my job I would do?

I am eyeing Skecher to buy the running shoes to do jogging someday, will I be okay like that it feels weird someone like me "go jogging". Hahaha. My heart feels sad missing my life about couple lifestyle all not felt since 15+years ago, my life been nothing about a growing-person that save up for marriage, I've been growing up in schizophrenia and not feeling life yet nobody updates me stuff, wonder why I have to experience this.

Saturday, September 20, 2025

Repeats?!

I think it's a repeat how I think got a way to skip life repeats then I quickly do it then actually "had done it before" in the past(last year). It's unreachable the end, I think the next is waiting for post of new Bicycle I bought on 6 Oct it will reach me, but it's also another repeat secretly, means I need to do something else? The life repeats created like a foetus-life is like real, in a projector of stories of others to go through repetition, and same/similar features of faces makes like "only available faces so edit Abit of it" to use to the foetus-in-stomach. I'm still on medicine at this age 37years old and the happiness age is still the future, so quite lucky it's a future that the pain is not so long, how everyone was feeling healthy to work while I struggle to live for more than 15years? The hotness was still undiscovered reasons how I didn't get to survive those years and end up another "skip another year" that I go through a sudden shock of age. I'm thinking if I will ever get a stable type of job too, wondering still what's the $50k savings I would save at 38-41years old by psychic, I like knowing my success but the feeling is still only close(I'm next year 38years old), it's not ending yet. Radio doesn't really made me feel nice like I thought(because I bought it), it's actually still quite boring. I really don't have anyone for this many years, nobody to talk to, nobody really cares, I think my family are made to pretend waiting for me to work. Maybe to check function of my brain still exist that I work laundry multiple-times and they still let it be that I work the same place again and again. Why life like a repeat and the wake and sleep, still just desiring head massage from my mother at this age 37 years old, life just keep on being the same? The toilet needs is tiring as I drank a lot of plain water, keep needing to go toilet to pee. Doesn't this make like it's a foetus-life as secret reality and this written for me to see(from projector) with my fingers moved around to seem as typing these? Hahaha. Fat hope like "not missed life yet" as my wish. 20+years old I didn't go places vacation etc. then suddenly it's pass 30 years old then actually more than 5 years after 30, then it's 37years old, my life definitely gone and no catching up happening. I really end up just wanting fishing and camping just to feel life, wonder where in Singapore that camping is allowed though, maybe Lim Chu Kang a lot of forestry? When will my family be normal to me after so long(15+years) my life like this their only way is wish my brain function that I can work as per normal? Means they just fear insanity too. Why am I close to insanity and to feel life have nothing ever loss as truth instead? They didn't feel their life too? Should we go alot to shopping centres and explore Singapore a lot more it's been because of my Schizophrenia my family not been enjoying themselves then? What about the trade of Solat and Going Out To Shopping Centres, why such thing can happen? Or is it my dream or memory mix-up too and I am confused? It's too long my parents not knowing Marina Square, etc. maybe even Funan I.T Mall too, family days like relaxing Esplanade never happened before like taking the wind or the boat ride too(wherever it goes).

Friday, September 19, 2025

Memory Mix-Up

I still think of breakfast like a repeat in my life like it ever happened before the same order of food and picture-pattern taken, it was at the device of Taliwang then the Food. I didn't care if taking photo of food means schizophrenia but it's memory thing I just continued.

The food is nice nasi lemak fish fillet very satisfying even with bagedil in it.

I'm now at home writing this on Android, I'm thinking of my life happiness like I didn't spend on 400gb properly yet, it's definitely something normal usage in life. I'm thinking of months to go before December if I will have a computer by then to live my normal life again, can't get in contact with anyone too.

Alamakchat is back that I think I maybe spending time there again don't know if will meet my ex in there at all again but I want psychic answer alot in life. How does psychic knows stuff? If we are meant to be with someone, "just eat medicine" to be stable before a shortcut of a psychic's help, I really want to spend my time with my soulmate.

I think of brain shortcut and search for brain food on Facebook end up following some food groups. Good luck to myself! I think of checking iherb for nice brain support kind of food.

Thinking of Guardian selling the Brilliant Brain Performance maybe buying at Guardian. It's read as for memory anyway and I need it due to being Schizophrenic(sudden memory loss), definitely it will support my brain, wonder when I'm getting it though, maybe today even going out to causeway point? A monthly $30, 30 capsule 1 each day kind of brain support will still be satisfying enough. Why in the past they won't support this way? Is it something new or they believe about the omega fish oil is something like that? I feel like going guardian today just for this.

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Went there and bought it. I am thinking about my phone number and answers of psychic, if I'm ever going to be with whoever why it happens in an unknown way, why a psychic knew first is it normal to let it be instead of psychic being the matchmaker since he's confirmed true judging from the phone number I got definitely means something great is happening, the number is so cool and it's mine. Ate Jollibee just now and shocking how I don't know the food now, it's like going Mos Burger only knowing 1 meal(Fish), and I know there have Chicken only.

Thursday, September 18, 2025

Strong Headache

Everytime I put my head looking downwards it's a bad pain on left side front of head, cant solat definitely. I remember my good luck number is this current one I'm using, like desperate to know who reads me like wanting to leave my number publicly, really want to keep in touch with someone in my mind.

I think I call this good luck number all because of psychic answers, I wish can question what's the best life moment at 37years old, it's still "just take medicine" as an assumed answer, what job would be nice too, will c.c open by then?

Think to try my life's luck like leaving my number like whoever I wish will contact me? 80244202 it's still my gd luck number, I think I will use it for lifetime as it's a nice number so it's okay kind of public info, the number pattern is nice 024420 like that being the reason I'm keeping this number forever. I'm so happy with my phone number and Simba way of usage that last month it was not even close to 1gb and I have 400gb for use as fact, only 400+mb was used means my outdoor life with data is fine and healthy happiness. The satisfaction with android and I don't go out much, wonder when's my turn of using alot of computer, I plan to buy the All-in-One Computer, Mini PC or even Laptop Only, my luck with 2nd hand laptop been bad it can't be used quite fast, planning to buy at TikTok about Computer, P.C or Laptop.

I ever renamed mouse as "cursor controller" during my schizophrenic-moments and laptop became "portable computer" instead a different writing way and definition of p.c, shock myself why such thing happens complicating myself. They are definitely cheap around less than $300 only, wonder of my job what I would do and I miss knowing answers of psychic, it's definitely a confident "just take medicine" because 38years old is my happy age something will happen to me and psychic knew it I really wonder what.

Wednesday, September 17, 2025

Life After Many Years

I decided to name it this way after years of life gone like nothing, it's over 15 years I feel sudden-37years old and thinking why it's not ending, just wanting to write stuff after so long.

Thinking matters of praying for peace like how others live peacefully just by praying, I spend my life now writing this using Android(hard) instead of Computer(will save up for this but g.s.t package?!), I am 37years old and thinking if my parents will buy me something because it still feels like just after N.S my life. So how others are more peaceful just by praying is amazing I definitely will pray once I am no longer flu etc. my life will feel complete and then shockingly at this age just memorizing "doa iftitah" too and telling people in this writing.

Today did my Solat Zuhur after so long of no prayers kind of life, I wish I have computer to write all these nicely using keyboard. December is so long to go, can't be getting Computer yet if rely on g.s.t package as life matters. When will c.c open to get a job? Cant be working as a cleaner I think it will be horrible? Only dishwasher is still nicer still. What should I do my life used to be like this for too many years I'm reaching 40 years old in 3 years?! I'm so old already.

Tough experience

Remembering a lot about what Alysha said, it's confusing my mind like why I have to endure these if I walk a lot, like I will hear voice...