Repeats?!

I think it's a repeat how I think got a way to skip life repeats then I quickly do it then actually "had done it before" in the past(last year). It's unreachable the end, I think the next is waiting for post of new Bicycle I bought on 6 Oct it will reach me, but it's also another repeat secretly, means I need to do something else? The life repeats created like a foetus-life is like real, in a projector of stories of others to go through repetition, and same/similar features of faces makes like "only available faces so edit Abit of it" to use to the foetus-in-stomach. I'm still on medicine at this age 37years old and the happiness age is still the future, so quite lucky it's a future that the pain is not so long, how everyone was feeling healthy to work while I struggle to live for more than 15years? The hotness was still undiscovered reasons how I didn't get to survive those years and end up another "skip another year" that I go through a sudden shock of age. I'm thinking if I will ever get a stable type of job too, wondering still what's the $50k savings I would save at 38-41years old by psychic, I like knowing my success but the feeling is still only close(I'm next year 38years old), it's not ending yet. Radio doesn't really made me feel nice like I thought(because I bought it), it's actually still quite boring. I really don't have anyone for this many years, nobody to talk to, nobody really cares, I think my family are made to pretend waiting for me to work. Maybe to check function of my brain still exist that I work laundry multiple-times and they still let it be that I work the same place again and again. Why life like a repeat and the wake and sleep, still just desiring head massage from my mother at this age 37 years old, life just keep on being the same? The toilet needs is tiring as I drank a lot of plain water, keep needing to go toilet to pee. Doesn't this make like it's a foetus-life as secret reality and this written for me to see(from projector) with my fingers moved around to seem as typing these? Hahaha. Fat hope like "not missed life yet" as my wish. 20+years old I didn't go places vacation etc. then suddenly it's pass 30 years old then actually more than 5 years after 30, then it's 37years old, my life definitely gone and no catching up happening. I really end up just wanting fishing and camping just to feel life, wonder where in Singapore that camping is allowed though, maybe Lim Chu Kang a lot of forestry? When will my family be normal to me after so long(15+years) my life like this their only way is wish my brain function that I can work as per normal? Means they just fear insanity too. Why am I close to insanity and to feel life have nothing ever loss as truth instead? They didn't feel their life too? Should we go alot to shopping centres and explore Singapore a lot more it's been because of my Schizophrenia my family not been enjoying themselves then? What about the trade of Solat and Going Out To Shopping Centres, why such thing can happen? Or is it my dream or memory mix-up too and I am confused? It's too long my parents not knowing Marina Square, etc. maybe even Funan I.T Mall too, family days like relaxing Esplanade never happened before like taking the wind or the boat ride too(wherever it goes).