Talk so much

So tired listening to voices, wonder why she energetic of wanting to be strapped jacket she could just tell the doctor instead, because she revenging for her boyfriend, means I'm like to be victimized instead at that time and I still hear her voice(small girl) until now.

Just have to be a different kind of luck in life, firstly I write interesting things then the doctors didn't update me about it just let me wonder in happiness if it's true, secondly it promote a thinking "that's why schizophrenia" because delusion, but it's doctors' sayings anyway, then it means I will grow to become someone special.

I plan to take Motorcycle License myself like wanting a job, then hopefully I will recover to do it soon, I really feel like going places but I have no friends, life would be nice if can spend time with (S) every Friday her last day of work then she have weekends to spend time with her niece. I really hope I know where she works at, doctors really not telling me maybe because it have to be like that, I don't know why to just believe doctors even if I'm made single for 17 years already, why doctors don't mind I'm single for so long?

I feel like asking doctor if I would do motorcycle license because he's psychic, but I'm like a blocked-from-knowing kind of life, doctor have chose not to tell me if not I knew already. It's like requiring an energy to work to get money and then do it, I really want to be having something in my life, like an asset, I really have nothing my age usually have. People have own houses already at this age but me still struggling because of schizophrenia. I wonder if the small girl don't exist I maybe won't schizophrenia and scored well in my N Levels, sadly it have to be this way that nobody happy of my high scores moment, it was not celebrated at all.

I feel like asking my mother to buy me MIG Long sleeve that cost $3.10 each, hahaha it's so cheap then I if can save money to go out will be nicer but just my life have to be like this, I wasted 17 years "seperti katak bawah tempurung" I have no clue of how's life at other places is like. I don't know why difficulty is part of my family's practice to us, doctors didn't help to ease too like talking to my parents about my difficulty.

Just now I ate chilli tuna with bread and satisfied it's really quick finish, chilli tuna is so addictive it's my favourite food.

I feel really bored having nobody to message, and doctors too didn't become my updater of (S)'s life. She don't care even after my post been viewed so many times I really wish it's her multiple-viewing to confirm if I really write of her. Then she still choose to let me be and I have no chance kind of vision of my future with her like nothing at all.

Today Mandy My O.T Called:

Finally my new life is starting, I will become able to work I guess soon, I will start earning $6/HR allowance in February, unless I got a job at Popeyes. I really hope everything is smooth for me. I really want to have a good life and I remember this is part of my recovery process, so it takes time. I hope I complete everything nicely and peacefully.