I'm thinking hard like not buying a cig. at all as to save more money to have new spectacle, next month and this month combined money maybe, my spectacle really spoiled and if I use the money that my bro give I would have shortage of money already, it's bad I really want to save just by buying Redbull daily should be enough if I can really make it like that. I know I would have an early wake up if I stopped smoking then I really don't know what to do I really need enough sleep and to feel energetic.
Today is Sunday and (S) not working today, I wonder if she would do the registration of her mobile number to PayNow too, I plan to do it tomorrow maybe, I hope it can be settled fast and my brother gives more money, but $200 is considered a lot and it feels like he won't give me more money. I also feel like asking my sister to buy me spectacles instead of using the money my bro gave me, I now using a superglued spectacle as it's spoiled and next month is the only hope for it, I really short of cash definitely until I work at Popeyes.
I'm so lonely like why I can't spend my time with (S) yet, it's been so many years and I still love her the same, why she didn't care about it is it my schizophrenia making her delays to decide on what to do about me? Can she just live her life like already in relationship so there's no chances for other guys that passby her life? I'm so unlucky that she met "Iman" and ruin her history, I'm so sad like if I can be with her sooner I would have talked a lot with her. My only reminder is that I would tell her I love her daily and want her to remember that as I just trying to get her with love, it's really been so long and she should get in touch with me.
I've not logged into Plato for so long and don't think she will be active on any social media but she hid her status with "Iman" before making me not feeling special to her, I really lost her in my life before should be my feelings and she don't care about it, I don't know what to do, my parents didn't effort to get her and I have no one to ask for help from, it really sucks schizophrenia got me low education too then I have lesser chance to get her by education-level, I really feel helpless yet she just live her life normally sadly. Why didn't she effort to think something nice for me to do? Her only effort is for me to follow jobclub as it's monitoring of doctor and the jobs to do from there too, in M.R.T I think, I really just trying hard to live my life properly even if it's short hours of work at Jobclub, I feel like wanting the job at Popeyes earlier but there's nothing I can do about it, I can only just wait. The latest should be April I guess, or May, sad it's so long to become stable but my life is really like this.
I still have no idea on what PSP games to download and just walking around in living room just now, I really feel bored about my life, and it's like I wasted days in life everytime but I learn Iqra like every day so I think it's okay as I'm improving on my Iqra, I hope I achieve my goals about Iqra.
I can't use my brother's computer anymore because he spoiled the monitor screen then I can't play it anymore, so boring my life, I really feel like nothing in life, like computers don't really excite me much anymore I wonder why anhedonia wins my heart and I feel loss of pleasure at anything I do, I wonder what to do to recover, really feel like buying St. John's Wort for anhedonia but it's self-treatment I guess.
(S) really planned more than 10 years of not contacting me or it's my schizophrenia causing it? I wonder like this kind of things, why is she like this to me?
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