Yesterday I almost relapse for the first time in 1 year, I hear voices of Alysha saying "if Aby meet me still at Woodlands, means close to my brother and they have met first before meeting me", something like that, Alysha is a freak and create heartache this violent to cause me to commit suicide, then no Law helps to standby a free counsellor on how to handle her, they let me grow up without finishing Alysha then loss memory of her attacks then now I'm already becoming 38 years old sadly. It's really disappointing how my family handle her, they didn't sue her at all at 18 or 20 years old then she got to be doing her university peacefully until now. How Aby is going to contact me then if Alysha make-believe of such stories? She definitely created anhedonia to occur when thinking of Aby, then I don't know how to make her suffer the same as me.
It's really bad I'm supposed to relapse yesterday then luckily I didn't. It felt so real like my life have been destroyed, why my mind is so weak to be able to believe a lie? It's just so bad her voices I wish someone do her the same like her boyfriend have relationship with her sister but it would ruin her sister's image then I wonder what stories should happen, it's just unfair, me losing Aby just from her stories due to heartache and anhedonia then she got to be living her life well in university. Stories of Islam that Allah balas balik is like bullshit as it didn't happen, i just can't have my good life when I don't have money. I imagine she having $3000 also at 16 years old same as me, from savings of Hari Raya from 1 year old maybe, maybe even more money but then she just didn't put initiative to pay back like I go to Johor thinking there's Wali Songo over there or go to Choa Chu Kang thinking I would meet Sakinah, I just spent my money/transport until finish of money on both days then she let me become poor after that as I live on without receiving anything from her then my parents didn't demand anything from her too.
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