Thinking of Recovery

 

My Mother with my Cap hahaha, I used to have 3 of these caps now only left 1 only, I wonder where the other 2 goes to. I remember I bought this cap when I was schizophrenic to design my name on cap.

At 70 years old my mother still looks strong which is good, she walks far from home to woodlands jetty and still energetic.

I'm just resting at my home, walking around on carpet thinking of my future if I really can become super healthy like everyone else. Zabid didn't reply me I guess he decided it to be like that, and I deleted my sent Whatsapp to him.

I only have $15 left and thinking if I will get money if I complete this probation period without missing any days, it would be fun $144 on 29 January I think I hear this as voices of O.T, I think voices are just memories of things said to me or what I have said. Then I remember about Mak Ni giving me money in February by the voices of Mak Ni it came into my memories, I remember by hearing back in voices of the statement said, I wonder why it's like that. I really hope I get money for working at jobclub even during probation period, life's hard thinking of it, I want to sleep the entire day so I don't waste money anymore. I feel like buying egg cheese prata today then I think of saving my money as cig. costs $13, I wonder if I will buy cigs. anymore after this. Means I will suffer about cigs. 29 January onwards maybe as I have no cigs.

I feel like doctor will be giving me RG477V on 29 January 26, then I'm not sure maybe they don't remember or it's just my dream, it's harsh thinking of something happy as a dream instead, I wonder why they don't talk again of gifting me RG477V and giving me money, I wonder what to do my life just like struggle to live until 2nd February for the $18 confirmed payment as it's no longer probation period.

I'm thinking when I will get to work at Masjid Tentera DiRaja too, maybe is it after 1 year of Medicine? Then I thought I will be going USA next 2 years(after O level)? Means I will work at Masjid for 1 year during my O level or it's after A level or back in Singapore? I thought I will migrate there anyway, so I wonder when is the moment I will work for Masjid. I'm happy that I can become someone in the Masjid Line in Singapore, a Webmaster is still a special Status.

I wonder if I should ask my mother for money or just wait, due to merajok because they don't talk of money at all. I wonder how (S) survive with same amount of money as me and drinking a lot of cold water as me. She definitely goes to toilet a lot too during work, maybe if in difficulty I can accompany her in the toilet. Hahaha. Funny. Forgot today is Sunday and she's at home.

I really don't know what's keeping her from contacting me is it her handphone bill is expensive maybe, don't she have Wifi at home then Whatsapp can become free that way? This is because she don't use Simba that's why, will worry about Bills and paying more than $10/month just for the same usage as me maybe. Why "susah senang bersama" but don't want to use a cheaper Simcard? Contact for Simba to Simba is free, we can be on the phone 24 hrs too, life definitely can become happier and lighter.

It really feels like during the Popeyes days I will work at Masjid also, I'm happy if I get to work for 2 years straight at Masjid too, because next year I will O level part time and working at Popeyes most probably the plan of jobclub is like that. Wow someone like me will actually have money? I'm surprised and happy by this imagination.