Yesterday I Wrote of Ujian and Marriage, I Hope It Can Happen Sooner But I Think If I Quit Cig. Then It Can Happen Sooner, The Cause Of My Future Baby To Be Sick Everytime Or Not Is In My Own Hands.
The Reason Me And Soulmate Can't Meet Is Because Will Have Baby Sooner No Matter What I Suppose, I Plan if an Earlier Marriage Will Be Healthier For Me Having Supports In Life, I Also Remember Asking 1 of Psychic Doctors to Draw Face of My Soulmate That I Want To Keep, I Wonder When I Will Get It. I Plan if Don't Want Baby To Be Sick is To Have Baby At Later Age But Maybe Something Like Sooner Baby Will Still Happen Causing No Earlier Marriage. I wonder how can I keep such promise, my life been very lonely and alone.
I Hope I Get To Meet My Soulmate Earlier Because It Means Psychic Already Know Who's My Soulmate, I Somehow Think They Need To Confirm A Later Baby Then Doctor Will Let Me Know Whose My Soulmate?
I wonder how life can be smoother like keeping a promise to have a baby only at later age just to meet my soulmate earlier? Can it really happen? I really hope psychic is true about this. Then how about my Soldier Job, do I really have to train in cleaning for 3 hours 2 times a week? It's no allowance for the first month. It's $8 per week, and $32 for 1 month I calculated, for my ez link, I really hope I can do well and maintain healthy and strong(especially about the back pain when i wipe seat). It's just my mind that I have to do cleaning? It's not retardation I guess, I feel I think like I'm a bit Insane or just people understand schizophrenia more than me? If I'm abit insane doesn't it mean everyone else with schizophrenia thinks they are Abit insane before too?
I just hope I can do well in this, I want to be healthier in my life about jobs and earning, I remember quotes that create energy too, like to make more money in life as focus and not saving money. I feel abit sad how the Soldier Job information talk doesn't happen anymore, I think I have to learn to be Patient? Isn't 17 years alone is already Patient enough? Why is Allah like this to me? Will I become a Wali Allah because of This? Can't I become a Wali Allah before I understand to read Arabic Language? I want things to be fast, I want a soldier job, be a Wali Allah, be strong for my O-Level, Technological Jobscope in Army(psychic's knowledge) that I will change into Psychological Warfare Sector 1 day because Of Learning Psychology. I plan to learn psychology so to counter my Schizophrenia that I have, to be healthy about not having it anymore.
I hope I.M.H Research really Discover Ways to Heal Up Schizophrenia Faster Than Just Waiting For Medications Daily. Is There Really Other Ways? What about voltage treatment like points in body or on head, like acupuncture or acupressure? I really want to recover from schizophrenia it's so bad for me, I have no life because of it. What about the voltage that if somehow can connect our splitted minds(there's 2 memory in a schizophrenia, 1 is "not on medication" another is "on medication"), that's very low like wearing on head, I imagine the I.M.H Research if have such device will be cool then schizophrenia can remember everything and recover ownself faster maybe?
I hope today is smooth like not going toilets kind of rush and panic, I hate the feeling of panic I always have it, I think it's schizophrenia or just lack of knowledge like "what time will I go toilet tomorrow if today eat .." the estimation is needed in food we ate the day before? I ate a lot and still only some sh*t is weird I expect the end of panic and alot of big sh*t then it didn't happen like that. Hahaha.
I think 1 day to have a note about "sh*t estimation hours" then no panic feelings the next day because always knowing what time required to go toilet. I hope I become a psychic so I can have no worries about this kind of things too, about going toilet kind of panic will be removed from my heart totally.
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