Thinking of Love Life

I remembered About (S) and Wonder How I Can Be With Her, There's Like No Way Kind Of Chance In My Imagination, But After 31 Years, I'm Still In Love With Her. I don't know why my heart is made like this, why she doesn't create chances for it to end if she rejected me? Maybe she never rejected me at All? Doctors have told her as psychic that I would become a drugdealer-mastermind if I went out with her too Early, maybe she's just protecting me from becoming a Mastermind?

I don't know why she won't leave my mind too, she not married until this age doesn't it means she's really mine? She's so beautiful, then not married, definitely mine? Will I be fine thinking of her daily like this and no responses from my family to help me get her? They just letting my life be this way. Even if it's to take medications first, it's been 17 and 20 years or more that I have been waiting for her, then still no effort from my family at All. I don't know what makes them confident there will be nothing wrong going on into her life with other guys.

I still can't believe my family let me be loner kind of life, I can't even take medications that time because of false-memory thinking it makes body hotter, what should I do just believe doctor I will recover at 38 years old and continue taking medication been wish of everyone now, why am I going through life without topic of her at All?

Then I'm thinking about my plan of Portable Ashtray business, I really believe it will be successful and make me rich? How will doctor help me 1 day, I remember the investment to start is only $200, that's all, will it be creating own or resell? I really want to do this business faster, I think my mind is well because I take medications but doctors maybe think I'm not well yet? When will I do this business? Will my family members knows about it or I will do it myself? Will doctor start with me or I start it myself(how can I start)? Will I buy metals and a have a factory of it? I really think it can become successful at business places, coffeeshops and Batam, people in Batam still smokes freely I think definitely can make money there. Will factory be in Batam to make it and sell in Singapore? I'm really serious that this can really make money, teenagers and n.s men will look cooler with Portable Ashtray hanging like a keychain or just in their pocket. I really want to biz this, in Batam it's definitely a big place and really can make alot of money suggesting cleanliness practice in advertisement and selling it at as many areas as I can then advertisement for cleanliness. I think I will really do this business 1 day, nobody really cares but Portable Ashtray will be so cool to have.

I hope (S) really life her life with me, I really feel she's my soulmate no matter what people say or think, then I'm let be in love with her while she live far from me(near at Choa Chu Kang if by M.R.T) nobody at effort to get her for me in a way just making her mine instead of her deciding, because our age is becoming too old already, I really want to spend my life with her, I just want to recover from loving her too, then I don't know what will happen to me, why she don't feel the pain is known by her ability to continue working after her studies, it's weird my health cuts off just like that due to Schizophrenia, then no chance to look for her too, the stucky body movement, the schizophrenia I think it's called Catatonic/Catatonia, why I have Catatonia when I would've have spent my life searching for her? During Catatonia my body would feel hot and boiled while she and other living their life it looks like that, they all seem Normal. Is Catatonia maybe should be treated as Other Sickness so I can recover from Schizophrenia? It's like Hell During Schizophrenia.

I Really Hope Doctors Help Me In Many Ways Than I Can Imagine, At Least Business First So I Can Earn Money? I hope news about Soldier Jobs appear in December Then Maybe $200 For This Business I Can Start Sooner? Like Dual Salary Point, 1 is Profit 1 is Work, I Really Want To Do This Business Until Batam or Until Have Own Factory In Batam.