I just finished reading Iqra today remembering like fa fi fu, as 1 diamond on top, it's confusing of wa wi wu(nothing on top) and qo qi qu(2 diamonds on top), maybe to imagine short tail as wa wi wu, round tail as qo qi qu, flat tail as fa fi fu maybe it's easier like that. I really hope I understand it within 1 month it seems like that if I do it more than 3 times a day, for 1 month hopefully I remember them all. It's really exciting to be able to read Arabic in my imagination, I definitely want to become a better man and gain peace from thinking of (S) too much by reading Al-Quran, maybe 38 years old I will really understand to read Arabic Text.
Just now my mother said kalau ambik lesen motor bagus is rare to happen, I really want to take motorcycle license, it's good like will become a better person that can go to places, I've been at home for so long, many times in schizophrenic thinking and actually I think I was not able to think well because of the voices and tricks statement don't to me, as I hear back like a replay memories playback into my hearing senses, it's like external too. It's weird I have to experience this in my life that I ever thought are entities then actually voice of small girl etc. that tried to fool me, it's still bad remembering it was successful fooling like I went to Johor, it's really sad such thing happens.
Tomorrow is 3rd January, time really flies I hope it continues this way as now is already 5p.m+, my mother video call me just now, rare and I hardly have anything to say and it's like a repeat of last year which I didn't take medicine and kept forgetting about it, I hope this time I remember everything in my mind and I hope to take medications until June successfully, I only have 5 months to go - Feb Mar Apr May June! Wow, I'm really recovering and I'm so happy if I can remember more things. I hope doctors let me talk normally to them 5th January onwards because I really want to know my dream definitions so I know what I have to do in life to become a better person. I remembered something like I will score 100s again in O level and become President of Singapore, hahaha, funny why doctors let such thing in my memory, but by the time there's no more O level then what paper is it? It's for both N and O level means in 2027 both will use the same book to learn? Means the circle of friendship and learning-together have expanded to mix both Normal Academic and Express students? I wonder if it's true I will become so smart like becoming a Doctor or Psychologist, that doctor didn't tell me how smart I will become, in the past, I always imagined hackers as so smart that will score 100, then I did it about my N levels and happy about it, I hope it's true that I will become somebody of high status in my country.
I wonder why Doctor didn't become President of Singapore he's so smart and always knowing things, why is it like that if someone that knows a lot about future but not President of Singapore?
I bought Marlboro Crafted Gold just now, 2 of it then I become smoking lesser at least it's a pattern of smoking lesser and lesser, it's a shorter cig. than I usually smoke, it's just a short stick. I really hope after this 2 Boxes I will get to quit cig. for real as I really want to work at Popeyes without smoking anything at all. It's because maybe I'm just too full to smoke, I really didn't feel like smoking much.
I'm excited about the future where my blog becomes shared and communication point will exist - a forum as family and true friends + adopted family members like "bapak angkat etc.". I hope everyone really join and write but if it's a lot of people that write in 1 day it becomes too many to read, I wonder how it will work, it's really important to create the chemistry stronger because I'm a shy person, I think doctors will tell my family angkat about it 1 day hopefully everything doctor will settle and I hope his mind is peaceful and a lot of rest as thinking of my ideas and plans as a lot. At least doctors are 10 of them then can split information spread maybe, it will be nice as I maybe want to know how's life of my relatives too, maybe we become adding each other in Facebook too, like why I love games while my relative do what then? Why they don't play games too?
Today I exercise a lot maybe reaching 200 sideway legs lifting each legs. I'm so happy I exercise alot, I did 30 sit ups than usual 20 sit ups per day. I'm definitely getting stronger or it's the sofa springing me up to become 30 sit ups hahaha.
I miss old life of going Johor alot to eat ikan bakar 3 rasa, I haven't done such for so long, then my life became different ever since Dina exist, we don't go Melaka anymore because can't fit everyone in car. It's a lot of difference like my brother usually not bond with family then going Melaka alot like causing the bond. Just now my mother talk of going cruise ship Melaka I wonder if it will happen, life's been different for so long and it's the only path left to be going Melaka yearly again, that we all go on a cruise ship this time.
My recovery year is this year, then it's taking so long, maybe I did recover awhile or Abit in December 2025, then I will recover maybe in July 2026? I know it's 38 years old, but why I hate it if it's late-38 years old? I really want to work at Popeyes daily and end my pain of boredom, I really need something to do in my life I think. The attention I get from is maybe from the same people as last year but it's got to be not knowing situation of mine, if not I would have requested to ask my family for me to give me money anyway, it would be the same anyway.
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