I hope the peace in my life happens like nice flow of money to make me brave enough to walk this life without feeling scared of being poor, to feel like a man with brains, it's really harsh like a mental retardation the treatment really makes me feel stupid and useless, like a shock to become a weakling gay bastard because "can't work" and I keep hearing voices of telling to work, I'm so sad by the voices I suspect as Alysha's making male voice using like a rolling paper, I'm so unlucky in life to have met her in my life, her grow up in my house turn out to be disturbing my family's happiness instead like Dina kept crying when toddler and I kept being verbally abused, I didnt beat her up like my mental is weak, sadly it's really schizophrenia, then it makes a man feel angry for the complicated explanation, it's just a shock like someone trying to create me gay if dont beat her up or she gets beaten, I'm sad how my family members didn't take action for more than 20 years already, especially when Dina was a toddler I protected Dina and gets verbally abused by her stories, it's really sad I'm the only one that took action even Dina's mother a Police didn't sue Alysha, it's really crazy. I feel like my family have a problem in way of caring people, especially they may hurt accidentally or do more pain after a painful experience accidentally, they also assume more like not giving money because of cigarette they forgot life can be a Nacho Cheese with Smoked Chicken in bread that costs $2.60. Something like pleasure in life that I missed so many years then they don't care I missed so much good experiences and just let me live a poor life and lifestyle.
Only my brother helps me with total of $1200 + 2 T-Shirts, and 3 Pants, I'm so happy with his buy for me it matches my needs of wanting something simple and nice. It's perfect as fact.
I wonder why if my 2nd sister can have 1 children and care, then she can't give me money too, like my 2nd sister can still provide a lot of western food for my nephews(her children), means my 2nd sister really keeps away money from me as "worry I may smoke" most probably, it's really harsh, even doctor saying the health of my babies happens only because of the shop "Yes! Tomato" because I eat the vegetables in the chicken chop with tomato rice. It's really just something they don't care like buying me that for me to feel happy about my future babies becoming healthy, they really let me grow my daily life supporting ownself not like my brother.
I'm disappointed with their way of care like a torture to my life thinking and forced to compare their haves in life, comparing to me I'm definitely deadmeat, none of my family members care to understand that schizophrenia is a problem in working situation too, it's like during my job, Alysha's voice appear calling me "Babu"(Servant) because of scrubbing for dishwashing, it's really a lot of anger at work but none of them cares to pity me and just let me have money instead. I feel theyre treating me like someone retarded as they have many times lied of having "no money" fooling my weak mind, to be successful that I feel poor over and over again.
I ever feel like begging and sitting down for money at public places, but my family and relatives don't care I feel that way, they just continued and wishing "my mental problem" to be known if someone capture on camera most probably, it's really sad nobody helps me, I want counsellor to help me then it's too much to keep emailing, I hope counsellor reads my blog somehow like searching my name and I appear then getting to know blog links.
No comments:
Post a Comment