It's afternoon now

I fall asleep maybe due to sadness of my stupidity.

I really have no one helping me it seems, my 1st sister didn't reply to me too when I told about the half-stormking robbery hahahaha, it's so stupid. It's still like $2+ gone then he dirtied it, it means $4.20 gone.

My mother cook daging kicap it's so nice and I ate 3 pieces of it with 1/4 kentang.

Trying to live my life feeling normal, so I smoke unfinished cigarette of my brother's rolling it first as a cigarette roll. I really loss my life experience like I feel my head as hard and wasted, I really don't know what to do. It's lucky for the man I didn't report police as I think he dirtied the storm king because he scratched his left legs first before putting inside the packet. It's such a waste I threw them away in fear of AIDS on his finger nails maybe, or daki as fact.

I haven't written my journal for a long time, later I will write to tell of my injection tomorrow. There's also no update of going out to Mr. Uncle for my brother's birthday as my birthday is on the 19th, maybe my mother waiting for my birthday to happen first.

Life's boring I don't know when I will feel better I just want to feel better in life, I want the nice feelings of like cold head and nice dreams when I sleep. Yesterday's dreams was crazy I thought I will become Firaun or Dajjal and thought I will finish the Firaun, in this dream - It is The Mummy's actor. Hahahaha. I flew around at the area with girls inside the structures as "voices and someone knowing" pretending as "other makhluk" that helps, Buzz Lightyear was a shock suddenly technological help from "his friends" inside the structures, it's a crazy dream. I wonder what it means as I feel like I have dreamt something like this before.

Today the post like mess up my blog, because no one helps me is why. I wonder when's this draggy feelings going to go away, I feel so bored and like lifeless most of the time. It reminds me of my warded days now like feeling a lot of waiting for the time to finish and waiting for night time thinking its 15mins per 12hours something like that, it was crazy my schizophrenia really made me thought Dajjal was around in my ward too. I wonder how I will cope with this draggy feelings as there's no cigarettes.