Schizophrenia attention

I saw a lot of people(more than 3) with schizophrenia and have a kind of popularity, like Zoe Lim, klay.hole, SchizoKitzo, Schizophrenic NYC, Ming Ming Ming - all have a popularity and some do business and even if nothing kind of post have like 5000 followers, it's a good thing like can make a business in life. I wonder how to become popular for business 1 day, I really want to have a good life.

Ever since teenager I've been wanting a counsellor, then my bnss counsellor didn't help me anything with my life I became under the continued ruling of my parents as counsellor sides parents, really can't do anything in my life and even during N.S I experience difficulties and earn by my own self, they don't care how I get my money but I know it's just to live my life, it's really sad that my parents are not caring like other families, N.S is so little money but they do this to me, I became angry at bnss days that despite having a counsellor, nothing sides me in life. I'm so unhappy then during my N level when I scored 100% if counsellor helped me more like having more pleasures into my life I would have been having a happier life experience and journey.

I end up thinking I won't be receiving any help or if I fit the criteria to be helped or not. It's really sad as it's been 3 days and there's no contact from counsellor. I'm definitely continued life like this then even if smoking $4.30 every 2 days, I receive no support for it, it's just to have a calmer life then people rather lose me than just supporting my crave for cigarette.

I have nobody in my life like guiding me or by my side being supportive, my unluckiness extends until 38 years old, it's like money have been locked away from me until I'm 40 years old. People with children support their children that have no money in life even until any age but I don't receive such support from my parents, I can't try to play games due to space as little in this laptop, I'm so unlucky that even my teenage dream game to play I didn't get to play until now due to Low Harddisk Space. I don't know why people are doing this to me like making me have nothing in life and expectations to work I think of trying to work through Club Heal's programme, I really can't do anything else, I need a kind of expert to help me get a job then at least I try - 1 day when the counsellor contact me.

I feel like just giving up and continued visioning my life as 38 years old and if still useless to just commit suicide, the girls don't really care about me anyway if it's love they would've kept trying, I really feel useless my life journey as a man that have nothing and gaining nothing in life, then only receiving money from my brother that continued telling to work after the continuous voices that demands me to work, I'm really unlucky like I won't become somebody good in life. I'm definitely dead meat as fact.

Later I think I'm buying pulot and Calbee keropok, life's just too harsh on me I daily have nothing to do except doing what I enjoy like blogging, the number of viewers doesn't change my life and I don't understand what attracts people to read me.