Life Loss

Did I Really Lose So Much In Life Its Been Over 15Years? Maybe Yes, I Lost 15+Years of Normal Life.

People are not me so they are okay with it. I didn't have a life for this long and people only worry I didn't take my medicine maybe.

Life is really like a story of others, do I really experience this or it's a foetus projected images as the secret reality? Means a baby understands since baby age? I'm like suddenly 37years old and people are okay about it is odd to me. Is it the spike making me like this or it's been every year I type the same thing? Is it the crave of cigarette causing this?

Why are they like this to me, like everything normal? It's age causing too tired to react maybe? Or ever reacted then I loss memory?

Is my life wasted? But then saw Ahmad Abdillah in Bus Just Now, he don't look married too, Good Looking People Don't Get Married is Like Normality of My Life?

I think my life actually wasted just the physical pain creating disability to achieve something, then just have to take medicine as doctor's advise have to be this. I've been taking medicine but what have I achieved? Lifestyle Material/Items To Use/Buy? How long will I spend looking at Fishing Rod and Laptop in December then? Will I really have loss in Anhedonia then suddenly buy True Singapore Ghost Stories Instead? The pleasure comes back? The imagination of reading entire set is a high pleasure thing. It Costs $160, making only $90 left in cash of research money for either normal life or buying fishing rod or laptop once I get the Research Money. Maybe it's in November.

My life limit is only like this so it's really repetitive, it's really loss of life from blocks that's physical pain I think, I really loses a lot of life moments(experiences) that my family loses along just because I have schizophrenia and never enjoy myself I think. I didn't go vacation maybe due to Anhedonia like Bali, then I feel nothing in life. The rush for handheld console are also slow because of Anhedonia I think, schizophrenia causes it to exist.

My Fashion Sling Bag is not here yet, my family didn't remind me of my life repeats-buys is weird or I guess too tired about it too, maybe I've been doing it many years as fact then finally did not resell anything this time.