I feel it's like a neglection how people been earning and growing their c.p.f while schizophrenic people is difficult to work but like a maintenance of conversation to have, to feel normal or not-retarded expression other than worry of insanity maybe caused it.
What should I do in my life? The repetition maybe making people lazy to care my life and talk to me what I thought even. The solo-ness for 15+ years is too great it's more than 10 years and I have nothing to be happy about - I'm not earning money to go vacation like Italy, France, Germany, Russia, Netherland, U.S.A, my life is different than others that only the same would talk to me that have different interest, why experiences doesn't really matter to them?
Why people ever gave me hopeful statement like "giving money" then I don't want to think about it at all but they create promise-statement like feeling bad about my life so intend such, like creating me to wait instead? I don't like thinking of money this way.
People go honeymoon to nice places and have a memorable photos of life experiences when marry while I'm 37 years old didn't even experience to have own house at the eligible age, because of c.p.f and few job experiences. Will I truly survive on g.s.t, will Jobclub at i.m.h really get me a job that's different than what I have experienced? It's about the peaceful heart thing. I think my shelving job at ntuc was stopped because I did not eat in morning and it's 6pm to eat, then I started work at 2pm. I wish matters like Jobclub is a Job At I.M.H itself too instead of redirecting me to a Company to work at that I have ever experienced before.
The expenses of life if at Batam and Singapore, will they finish more money if I live Batam or Lesser, if my life is Like Nothing I want to live Elsewhere as long as have internet like Batam House or Johor House, because family got to save on my expenditures it's still a win-win situation. It's due to i won't be getting married I think this way. I have nobody in life, if at there I can't communicate, at here I don't really talk to anyone at all for 15+years, I lost all friendships I ever had.
My life just hoping my memory intact "this time" and living in schedule of "i.m.h" to think about too, like is Jobclub really worth it? Will I end up becoming a cleaner? Why Dishwasher is like my desired job is due to the relaxation?
Can I really make it in life? I have nobody to talk to and anticipate a kind of answers is tiring to me too. Being a broke man is like a beggar? Why people feel fine nobody else care my life like knowing what kind of girl is my soulmate? It becomes like "asking" to be "tortured" like "u asking people to find u a girl?", kind of torturous to hear all these. It's like telling my weakness. I can't do anything in my life if I wasted more than 10years not growing my c.p.f.
Am I secretly insane but capable to work/earn and learn causing the wanted(by me) normal conversation reflexes(talk to me like I'm a normal person too), but if I'm abnormal I would never have a girlfriend before. There's something physically wrong about my health and strength in life while people just tell to work easily? Why a leader-type like me is like this? I feel this way, life is hard people gain their own wealth to not give me anything as fine to me but it's like different, I ever thought I'm a soldier salary during my schizophrenia causing comfort and rest about jobs too, I feel like a stable job is hard to get.
Why I write stuff then nobody answers but read, are readers mostly my enemies instead? Are they pretending friends?
No comments:
Post a Comment