Still feeling weak

I don't know what to do, my life to imagine daily as boring and have no life as fact, how people have a life, isn't it by smoking, playing snooker etc.? How can I forgot how to have a life?

How doctors have a life, nice food, fruits then work? How people mind are peaceful? If I can't solat yet how can I be like normal people. I keep hearing my own name about the voices I don't know what to do, it's abnormal already to be hearing voices.

What should I read on? Should I bicycle as exercise daily for 30mins then done? Bicycle really gets my leg to feel the exercise though, wonder what I should do to be stronger. I watched LivingWellAfterSchizophrenia(she recovered from Schizophrenia) and it's a lot of exercise too, means Schizophrenia can recover. I think the weight of feeling loneliness is creating this. I am thinking how to pass 1hour or 30mins other than exercising. Planking exercise is only 1 min daily then I only done that just now, funny it really trembles hand though.

Should I play mobile legends a lot? The anhedonia creating loss of interest in games is weird for me. I think I should buy St. John's Wort or "Mood Support Pill" by NowFood.

I think I would exercise by bicycle a lot 1 day, but I am thinking of night activity for bicycle as well. Exercise makes sleep deeper maybe, at night I usually feel scared if it's too cold I will shiver but feel fear of ghost, it's weird why I feel like that, is it schizophrenia? Last time I don't have it, but schizophrenia are voices then it makes a place not scary anyway because have voices?

Kept relying on Pills but it's Anhedonia anyway, Mood Support But Schizophrenia is the one that Kills Relationships Anyway. Maybe I won't buy but just maintain on my medication. I imagine becoming a nurse in i.m.h like the nurses that cared for me in Ward 35A, it looks easy their jobs like can become a nurse too.

How to take life seriously? Isn't my work moment at aero2k is already taking life seriously? Schizophrenia create loss of ability to work to earn money? It's about a quote that if take life seriously will become richer and smarter, etc. I definitely want to become more intelligent, but Schizophrenia haven't gone like the Story of "LivingWellAfterSchizophrenia" she recovered totally and it's nice to know how someone managed to gain a normal health feelings. She can drive too means if I recover I definitely can drive too, my mind will be fit again.

People don't feel what I feel, or maybe think it's a joke could be? Is it people freak out I kept losing memory? But why people will keep promises because they care about me? I think of bicycle as exercise in the afternoon 1 day my thigh to create the ache of exercise definitely will be stronger person like "LivingWellAfterSchizophrenia". I'm different currently Living with Schizophrenia, the project of blog just to kill boredom so there's more people to see what I miss out in life and maybe help to support what I can dont miss in life by telling me stuff, or to message me. But I don't have anyone yet, I even forgot I'm 37years old but maybe it's actually okay and matches me to blog.