Why do I have This? Wish of Attention? There's 7 Visit to my Blog Daily I Wonder Who Or Why Not Telling Me Too, My Life's Boring As Hell, It's a Daily Wait From Morning Shower Until Sleeping Time, Then Charge Phone Because It's Going Under 40% Of Battery, Why Is My Life Like This? I Like To Capitalize First Alphabet of a Word Too.
I Think This Happens Because a Spike That I Haven't Recovered From? There's really no healing-pill like we(spiked people) wished for. I remember my life is 37years old in a different way of anger or feelingless, feel so useless old age. No normality from Anhedonia, I can't lose interest in games, it's my common sense of life.
Writing creates a kind of ease from this feeling of helplessness and restlessness, will I be fine with "just take medicine" as common sense of a doctor's answer? Will someone truly help me and rescue from this dullness of life?
I wish that the 22 Oct is a job itself that will earn money, because I heard it's just a training for a job, the boring drag feeling exist somehow it's bad for me, it's hard to live normally.
I'm craving for prata cheese downstairs many times and it's 2 for $5 that I can use c.d.c voucher but it's too expensive maybe I imagine, like wasting my life experience? It's maybe worth it too. I plan to save money by buying $2.70 indomie that can give me 5 days of breakfast, instead of prata cheese. Buying the $5 nasi ayam at 888 plaza would be nicer too I think.
Where would I find someone to chat with normally? It's maybe the crave of cigarette causing this too? I'm tired of my life daily the same like this, and worry of unhealthiness and loss of strength why doctor won't mind and nurse would only tell to walk a lot more outside and find a job, how can jobclub be enough as a point to earn money as a fixed thing and relying on it mostly as it's like a psychic decision means they knew my health is capable at that point of time right?
I don't like writing of ex, it's like behaviour of a bad feeling due to consumption of nicotine can appear, cigarettes definitely hated by me now. How will the i.m.h help my situation of this loneliness too? The break-up been schizophrenia as reason, I really want something else in life and want to live healthier by not smoking too, when will such help happens? Won't it risk of them experiencing something with other guys? I'm too old my confidence becoming lesser. It's weird stories like people scolded for not finding a girlfriend/boyfriend while me in the worry itself, I really want to have children too in future, to be normal like other men/guys. Why it's abnormal health I have? Will any i.m.h answer? I know the common sense of home visit is "search for jobs". They knew I haven't worked normally for 15+years, is it a normal-reflex kind of answer so I don't feel retarded? Is it a test of strength, then means jobclub should be what I should rely on? It's a test of my capability and ability to work maybe? I wish it's like that, so they can see I'm not retarded or insane-fully maybe? Really if only 1 point to rely on in life it's easier, relying on doctor's decision especially - it's the jobclub, maybe I will gain life from there.
I wish nurses or doctors write something that I can gain my health and support from the writings, they are too busy, is it outside their jobscope too to ask for this? Is it "special treatment" wish making me schizophrenic-still? I really want a nice future in my life, can someone help me something like a pleasant job too? Is woodlands c.c question just a test from nurse to see I can still live normally sometimes? They knew it's sometimes secretly? It's hard to live normally, in the past the nurse read my writings, now I'm just let be to know more, nurse are not psychics so they are different than doctors. I remember the joke of etomidate shocked the nurse means they are not psychic and think of it as real, so the joke didn't work. I know they can detect if did not eat medicine somehow, means they knew I ate medicine and happy about it, the feeling of nurses for patient will it be like friends or not, it's like a dream if they are nice in a special way too, but on schizophrenic patients? Means I wish to know a way I can live life like caring baby birds until it grow up such things, then how if I have to work? My time? It's common sense nurse will talk about jobs only, I deeply wish it's just a test of brain and capability/ability and jobclub is reliable truly to support my lifestyle.
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