Angry of Loner Life

I'm sad How Anhedonia impacted to me that I have loss interest in games, maybe doctor have something 1 day, I want to feel normal health, it's like my energy of life.

I've been a loner for so long, it's shocking to think this as imagination of a black magic can become possible too, my character like changes and I became difficult to talk to, the anger is true burn in heart, it makes me unwell and sick. What can make me recover is definitely not talking since nobody talk to me about this? I think nurse really have nothing to say about how I didn't work for 15+years? Why are they not in same panic as me is because they have jobs and money? I think it's like that.

I keep looking at profile of the girl that been in my heart since kindergarten somehow, she truly looks like her. Then i think it's cigarette that causes a feeling to appear, it's like physical-secretly? Like a stalker, it's definitely hard to search because one Facebook name may have thousands of same name. So I feel luckier and happier somehow wishing I haven't found her at the same time, looks truly similar. Maybe it's her.

I want to imagine myself as a guy that just wish for a girl then suddenly she got married and have children then what's this writing is for? It's still my life effort, won't she get married as too beautiful? It loses my chances of getting a girl? It ever felt like during schizophrenia I got a girlfriend before somehow too, why is my memory like that, like a dream mixture to feel normal or blame ownself even if ex gave up understanding schizophrenia as the main reason, definitely there's a listing of action and I'm one of it that experience it then break-up happens? It's too perfect then it became to understand like a black magic instead too, I believe it's not though.

I'm still in secret suffering from dullness of life. Where should I go if go out? Why my life like teenager still at this age? Fishing is the only stability I can have that I must do? What happen about listening to radios? Why it become like a dumb person life? Why people think of black magic about my life? It's weird to believe in magic. I want to believe it when knowing psychic, magic becomes believable, I also want a white magic.

I tried searching for free psychic chat on Google and only found kasamba that require cheap payments, there was ever other psychic chat but I don't know if true or not too, my doctors are most believable psychics instead. It's like losing my smoke habit, then life becomes easier automatically to believe a doctor until like that, what happens to me is by ownself, the difficulties of my life? What about difficulty of working? It's been more than 10years that I can't work smoothly?!