Tired of Walking

I kept walking around in my own house, still in a similar thinking pattern "if it's a repeat or not?" Such things, today the voices lessens for the first time, schizophrenia makes me feel like recovery for the first time, I remember one day I was playing short surah on my phone then suddenly a scary dream, I wonder why that happens, I want to memorize short surah there's a list it autoplays then I suddenly got a scary dream wonder what it means.

Why dream have voices like schizophrenia creates it too?

I wish to know dream definitions anyway. I think I will play it during my boredom moments to memorize short surahs.

I wonder what I should write about, like why I feel this way about having to write to feel better? I think it's normal? People write to feel better anyway.

Maybe because I have readers, I think it's usually 6 readers even if sometimes 7 or 8 views, maybe it's a refresh button used up instead of 7 or 8 even 9 readers?

I think of nights every maghrib if the girls I think of really listening to radio too, or even every Ramadan we definitely listening to the same thing somewhere else, I wonder about my life if it can be different, why it's like this like 15+years just gone just like that? I really feel like becoming a doctor for the total recovery to happen maybe needs this kind of mental strength(a psychologist). Why is this happening to my life the boredom as real thing stuck in my life. I am thinking of what masjid maybe if like have psychics(my doctors), masjid maybe have Wali Allah to tell me stuff on what I should do to my life? I really feel stuck in life. Wali Allah would know what I need in life?

I will think of going masjid sometimes nowadays, like to learn Islamic stuff, luck on seeing a Wali Allah maybe may happen too. Wonder what stuff at Masjid In Marsiling? What would my luck be like of someone just knowing my stress then talk to me about it? Do I have such luck? What would a Wali Allah respond of my life feeling like being projected images and I'm a foetus did I not waste my life yet from my past relationships they are special to me?

I wish to see A Wali Allah one Day By Luck of Such Happening To Me, Like Someone Just Know About My Life and Help Me Recover from My Loss of Moments That They Think It's Not A Wasted Life Yet Somehow "if I..(then they tell me what to do)". Can such thing happen to my life?

Does psychic believe in Wali Allah and does Wali Allah believe in psychic? How do they both know the same thing? How my life of 15+years gone is not a problem at all? My family grows older too, my Mother is 70 years old. What should I do about my life? Is really not working just focusing on pills as okay?