Tomorrow Jobclub

Tomorrow My First Day Of Feeling Lighter After It's Done, It's Heavy Waiting for Jobclub, The Moment Of It. I will feel a lot of relief after it's done. The reason is because it's about jobs and I'm hard to work at the moment as on medication for schizophrenia, I think doctor will know but still I worry how I can wake up late if doctor knew it? Will I wake up fast? I'm happy how psychics actually exist just thinking what I would work as for 1 month straight like that from Jobclub, I definitely know it's the best path I have, then it means I shouldn't have worked at Tuas at that time, I totally wasted my time?

I think I feel like asking doctor what I would work as then it(my mind) redirects me back to Jobclub as doctors' choice and decision, definitely it means I'm capable to earn money soon?

Today my mother cook quail eggs sambal 1 of my favourites, I definitely am happier today. Also I hope the strength I have is always more than enough whenever I go anything about/from Jobclub's request, I really want to do well in my life. I hope/wish doctor tells me the soldier moment of my life, it really feels like December this year though, I really want a Stable Job really fast, I think if doctor let me continue becoming a Soldier means I can become a Soldier. What if it's next year December during R.T.S Link Opens? Man I want all these heartbeat to be over fast, it's really a panic like "bad experience are not ending yet".

I hope the Jobclub don't resend me to where I've worked before though, a different company at least, I really need money and want to work, it's maybe my health haven't been enough and doctors feel it's a nice timing this time and doctors are definitely right so I will go happily I hope. I just don't want bad memories of my skipping job because didn't eat at that time it's just a feeling like it's "shelving training job" again but I don't know which company, I hope it's a different job or company. I really want to do a good job for a good life, I want my life to be better everyday.

Today I didn't watch Mandarin language part 26 because the boredom feeling exist, I will wait for hopefully later or tomorrow, I want to finish Mandarin Language by next year, means I actually have another 12 months + until the end of this year to learn Mandarin Language multiple times. Doesn't this mean my O Level Year is 2027? I hope the heartbeat doesn't cause me too rush in panic, it's like a lot of schedule in my life to go through, causing the panic-feelings to exist.

I plan to wake up and bath at 6.30A.M to go out at 7A.M for Jobclub at 8.30A.M, I wonder if it's normal to wake up early but it's like waking up for Subuh(earlier) still will wake up early and feeling a bit more tired for the day? I plan to be stronger in life. I haven't done my Push-Ups Today will do later, but what I mean about Stronger is Not Really About Muscles but my Intelligence, Muscles included too for my future self to be Stronger in Health. I just want a normal slim muscle person not a too gigantic or big bodied man, it will not be so nice if body becomes big.

I also think Anhedonia from Schizophrenia took away the Ramadhan Feelings every year now, like I don't feel the excitement during Ramadan and Syawal. But my Family knew I have schizophrenia maybe they feel bad about the special occasions I don't feel like celebrating at all. I hope life becomes more different, me as fact don't know what to say when asking for forgiveness the most basic just "maaf zahir Dan batin" that I can think of, if have to say anything, but nowadays I don't celebrate Hari Raya for so long already.

The main focus now is Jobs from Jobclub, wait for Soldier Recruitment then I would feel the end of Panic In My Heart, it's too restless I definitely need a medication for it, I will tell doctor in November I feel restless I guess, I can't take it.