Using My Time On Computer Well

I think typing using Computer Feels Nice and Fast, I'm Thinking of My Schizophrenic Days, I Was Thinking Age is 1/3 of Years Old and I Thought I Should Be Joining Silat. I've been wanting to know Silat Since Long  Time Ago, Now I'm Too Old The Sad Thing. I Was Thinking I'm a Teenager When I'm 36 Years Old. I Didn't Feel Too Late in Life At That Moment, Now I Feel Really Late, I'm 37 Years Old. I wrote this many times because I fear of regret in life, I fear that I Would Lose Alot More Of Life Experiences That I Did Not Feel My Life For 17 Years Like That.

I Think It Feels Like Next Year The Soldier Recruitment By Knocking Doors, Means Life Actually Quite Close, I Will Get To Be A Soldier, By Psychic Knowledge Something Like A Recruitment of Soldiers Will Happen By Knocking At Doors. I Think I'm Abit Excited and Hoping It's Faster, What Would Be The Cause of It? What Kind Of War Does The Government Worry About At That Time?

Jobclub the Other Wait, It Feels Like Getting Salaried On That Day Of Occupational Therapist Causing Me Energized To Go For It.

I Don't Know What I Should Do If There's No Jobclub, My Mother Would Hear Answer Like "I wait until recover" Most Probably From Me and not Work, Life's Hard Like This.

I Even Feel Like Working As A Cleaner But It's Not Me To Do That, I Don't Think I Will, But I will wait for the Soldier Offer To Happen in My Life, I Hope I Would Be Healthy By That Time.

Right Now I Feel Like Playing Counter-Strike Awhile. I Miss My Life Without Anhedonia, I would be addicted to Games like a whole day in front of computer. The Life of People Reading Me Makes Me Wonder What They Do In Front of Computer The Whole Day Everytime, Is it A Passing By and Refresh But It's Like Always Fast To Go To My Blog. I Miss Such Life Too - Whole Day in Front Of Computer. There's No Chatting Place Now Except "Plato and Alamakchat", i.r.c is no more, I Would Still Enter Dalnet But Thinking There's Only Bots and Perverts There, Life became Boring.

I Wonder Of How My Plans Going To Be Like, To Exercise Alot Daily, To Be a Soldier When They Knock Our Doors, I Hope I'd Recovered By That Time. I think I'm still in a Panic of Life, Like "Rushes of Plans To Do", My Heartbeat is Unstable, This Maybe 1 of the Causes That I Can't Work Yet, I Think of Entire Day as A Boring Day. I wonder how I will be Strong Like This.

I Look at Quotes On Facebook During My Freetime, It's Meant To Hint (S) What I Feel. Like "In My Mind Ever Since The Day We Met" I don't know why I Experience Such Since Kindergarten Days. It's heavy in my heart.