I was at part 25 of mandarin language then I pause at 10.5mins to write this, it's boring is why. I learnt a lot like dianshi is television, zai is at, zuo is do. I feel like I can learn Mandarin language fast just the boredom makes me pause awhile.
I wonder why knowing schedules is heavy for my heart, "life's heavy" kind of feelings. I just need to wake up 6.30am on 22 Oct and Bath that's all, then go out around 7am for my Jobclub. I hope it's easy and not sleepy or lazy that day.
Writing creates ease from the restless feelings I have. I wonder why the boredom won over me to pause mandarin language, maybe it's the size of Device as small, Computer will be more energetic but my brother is sleeping.
I feel of playing bicycle now but to ride at where and what purpose? My life's like just thinking of living life and I don't gain anything yet in life, my life's stuck as the secret reality, Jobclub maybe will unstuck me.
People Solat and sleep maybe in the day causing no boredom like mine, I can't find what's enjoyable to do other than hoping I get the nice "peace medicine" if it suddenly can exist. What would a psychologist do? Read a book? Now thinking of patients' medications? I wonder if someone like me can get a stable job too. I feel so hopeless and weak, maybe my education keeps my energy low on what I can achieve in life. If there's no Jobclub I would be busy searching for Jobs I think. Don't know why I became a useless person because of schizophrenia. My mother was worried I think when I did not work normally for so many years? I don't know why my health is like that but I'm recovering soon, at 38 years old, I hope I can live life normally.
I don't understand why Allah create the loss of memory to happen to me then a man becomes useless person just hanging around sitting at Sofa, does anyone know why? It should at least be like a Soldier with Cig. Then Life's Meaningful I guess.
It's 12.11 Noon now, I still feel hungry and there's no rice yet. I think after learning mandarin I would be walking around in house again then thinking if I would write again. It's all the time the same matter to write or think about. Maybe I would bicycle awhile later?
I am planning about learning to read Arab, should I learn from Muqaddam level or Just Iqra straight away? I wonder like this, I just need to memorize the sounds of each Alphabet with lines on top, below etc. that's all then should be able to read Arabic Language. I wonder when I would be successful in this, even if psychic said as 39 years old, I always hope it's faster, my health maybe causing this strength to be only like this.
Thinking what life would be like if become a Soldier, if by psychic knowledge, such thing would really happen 1 day, doors will be knock with offer to join the S.A.F, I wonder what kind of war is it, there's war in Singapore 1 Day? I wonder what age it will be that such things will happen, I totally forgot my age but it really feels like 38 and 39, something is going to happen and S.A.F open to get more Soldiers to Join Defend Country. At least a togetherness is happening again, the energy to protect country somehow I have it. It's like my ambition really happening as a fact by psychic knowledge. I would be in Technological Jobscope in Army, I would be happy too.
I feel hacking should be done to people with schizophrenia to feel a kind of "existence of a stalker" and they will recover after feeling special(been hacked and communicate as text writing on notepad), and also to know if they are secretly writing suicide notes too. I think hacking should be legal towards someone with schizophrenia. This also to know if they are taking medications or not having evidence of schizophrenic writings means not taking medications.
I'm hoping the recruitment happens soon that I can become a Soldier, I'm still wondering the cause of it, what kind of war is it?
I think I'm going to continue learning mandarin language now, it will be good for war days knowing more languages.
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