Feel Hot & Angry Too Much Belacan I Think

Today my mood is quite bad, just now it was quite physical heat in my heart I think it's the Belacan Too Much.

I Was Reminded Of Angry Moments of My Life From The Heat in My Heart. I really can't do anything about its, the memories appear by voices(a conversation that happens again).

Maybe by Temperature It Can Cause A Certain Trigger to a Memory of Life? I wonder why it's like that, what caused it to be like that too? I know I felt fine like I can go N.S then during N.S I Actually Forgot I Have Schizophrenia if Not I Would've Kept Taking M.C At Mental Hospital Maybe? I Really Can't Survive My N.S Life, Why Did They Put A Schizophrenic To N.S? Why is it like that?

Then I Really Can Do Soldier Job Once I Recover?

I Really Been Searching for Job Just Now, I Just Remembered My Mother Will Be Going To Jawa December Then It's Going To Be No Anticipation of Working Or Solat Questions I Will Definitely Be A bit Less Heat-Up in My Heart, If I Do Get Stronger Should I Tell My Mother or Siblings To Not Bring-Up Such Heating-Heart Questions? Why is it like that the Catatonia?

Really Can't do Anything, Making Me Angry is Bad In My View, Then Why Doctors Not Telling My Mother or Siblings for Me? I Don't Know How To Say It Too.

My Mother Asked Me Late Today "If I ate Medicine" So It's Weird She Suddenly Made Me Angry At My Heart I Don't Know Why, It's Common Sense And It's Her First Time Questioning Like That As If I Did Not Take Medication. She Like Ruin My Writing Moments Like As If I'm a Kid, I'm 37 Years Old That I Have Forgotten Like Promoting Retardation-Callings To Me Instead.

Does An Old Person Become Stupid As Gets Older or Not? She Really Creating Hatred To My Heart.

70 Years Old And Wasted Nicer Feelings Like That, I Have No Idea Why.

She Don't Know I Don't Like To Shout? She Likes To Create Me Angry, How Can I Work Like This Too? I Definitely Will Be Unstable To Work If Angry.

My Bad Luck Is My Pain is It Really From A Small Girl, The Stories in My Mind, It Was Hot Feelings Of Anger and Wasted My Life Just Like That.

(A) Didn't Hold On Too Making My Life Feeling Worse, Doctor Said It's Better I'm Left Alone?

Just maybe it's the Belacan Causing Anger in My Heart, What To Do Like Anhedonia Then She Making Me Feel Worse Too. Don't Know What Makes Her Not Caring Just By Needs In My Life To Settle Something I Don't Like She's Just Still Around - Like I.M.H Visits, I Guess (W), (A), (S) Didn't Really Worry About Me At All Too As Doctors Have Medicine To Give Me Anyway, It's My Fault if I Didn't Eat Medicine Anyway. Don't Know Why They Like Got To "Install Statements I Should Hear" Like No Wali Allah or Psychic Help Me In The End, Remembering So Many Annoying Stuff in My Life Suddenly Raging My Heart then My Mother Question That, They Like Promoting Me To Enter I.M.H Before She Goes Back To Jawa.