My Daily Days Like Meaningless And I Just Share This To Whoever Lucky Getting It, Me at 37 Years Old Then Found This, or It was Last Year Maybe.
I Really Don't Know If My Soulmate Remembers Me At All Or Thinking of Other Man, How Unlucky Am I If It's Like That, When She Said She's Attached In M.R.T I Experienced Memory Loss, Until Multiple Repeats Then I Understood Her. I Can't Get Her By Fact Writing "She's my Soulmate" Could Even Be A Delusion, I Don't Know Why My Heart Is Like This. Just Now I Zikir Selawat For Around 30 Mins, Hopefully Miracle Happens Or How My Family Believes About Recitations As Peaceful, I'm Really Happy To Selawat On Friday After So Many Years Forgetting Many Times, I Used To Selawat A lot Every Friday in Secondary Days Inside Bus When Going Home. Today is Friday, So Just Sharing This Other Zikir.
I Don't Know How People Can Survive Feeling Someone is The Soulmate Then Live On For Many Years Like A Crazy Man Instead In Delusion, I Really Feel Hopeless And Actually Will Give Up At 38 Years Old Maybe? It Takes 15 Months 27 Days To Forget Someone We Love Maybe I Can Just Try Starting Now? It's Been So Long And It Didn't Happen To Me, It Would Be Like Me Having Ex, If I Decided That I Can't Get (S), I Tried For Other Girls and Then I Got Ex-es. I Really Don't Feel Like I Will Marry At All, The Feeling Like Impossible (S) Will Fall in Love With Me, I Just Live Being Hopeful, If She is Meant For Me She Wouldn't Engage Someone Else Anyway? It's Weird Like Just Loving Someone then Breaking the Rule "Ever Engaged" So Never Be With Her, Then Still Loving Her Instead, I Can't Find Myself A Good Life.
I Am Bored I Read My Old Writings During Schizophrenia Ambitious To Go Camping, Using Magnifying Glass For Heat and Aluminium Foil for Temperature To Spread It's Easier to Cook Like That, Feeling Like Making A Pan+Magnifying Glass Business Too.
Then Another Is Water Pipe That Continuously Runs and Comes Back To Watering Point - To Make Free Electricity Continuously It Is Used To Spin A Propeller Like Fun For Powerbank That's Big.
It's Like Strength in Camping, I Really Feel This Kind Of Business is Good, If Making Own Electricity At Home Using a Big Powerbank It Would Be Saving Money Too.
I Think It Was Only Schizophrenic Moments And I'm Really Liking This Idea To Live and Happen In My Life.
I'm Thinking Of Food Like What Should I Eat With $10 Voucher - Chicken Chop With Tomato Rice Again, or 2 Roti John? I Really Don't Know Just Hungry Now Feeling Like Wanting To Eat Maggi Too To Save Money.
I Really Find Life Hard That I Keep Chasing the Same Girl Must Stop Somehow and Forget Her. It's Just The Memories By Voices In My Head I Keep Remembering Her Talks In M.R.T, I Don't Know Why It Lasts Until 16 or 17 Years Passed. People Don't Care I'm Not Married Or They Knew If I Have Baby Too Soon Baby Will Be Sick and Die, Means To Not Have S*x Before Marriage Too Is What It Means. Why they bother all that when my life's difficult to get a Soulmate, I'm really like an Insane Person Already That Nobody Would Want.
I Feel Like I Should Give Up On Sakinah and Remove The Kindergarten Dancing Photos as A Sign Of Giving Up, I Will Do It 1 Day, It's More Than 31 Years Of Missing her and Fallen in Love With Her, Why A Baby Age Feel All This? Nobody Seems to Care To Get Me A Girl Too, They Let Me Be Older And Be Closer To Uselessness, I Really Don't Have Anyone In The End.
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