Like Micro Earthquake and Bad Dreams

Today the uneasiness every morning is stronger, it's like stronger micro earthquake inside my head, unstable feeling requiring cig. to be stable. Then I also dream of Dajjal when I sleep, Dajjal was at corner table and i was eating Nasi Lemak he visit and go off. I wonder what the dream means.

Today the food is Nasi Biryani so It's Delicious I think today the sense of survival is stronger have quality food.

It's boring like psychic maybe occupied with life then job, and helping a life goal then I don't know about dream definition.

I think the spike is strong somehow, it's a high power level drug type I think, it's been so long inside my body and it's felt like that, cold temperature definitely will calm me down. I think drug have "a power level" to cause hang to death even if lower weight than the said 250g for meth.

Yesterday I don't know why I feel it's okay to write normally at public chatroom, there's like no readers anyway, my heart just feels better like that is unfair how my life situation is like this. The memory also like a mixture of dream & reality maybe it's due to consuming pills late and the memory become halved. I wonder if this 2 years going to be easy for me - I estimate if a sarcasm like 38 years old and reaching 39 years old next month then is my recovery, it's still sad not knowing my recovery year except age 38 years old. I really want to become a psychic and Wali Allah to know how to get my Soulmate, matter of babies have been settled into buying fruit tea juice and healthy vegetables as food but psychic did not make the meet-up earlier. I have other worries like Anhedonia and will babies be easy to make I wonder.

Psychic knew I would eat healthy and drink healthy but why they still like letting it be 38 years old then my recovery as I still would eat medications at 37 years old. I'm reaching 100 days out of ward eating medication, at Day 91 Today.

The Stability worry about cig. and without it to be able to do a job like "cleaning training" also exist. Will I be strong during such job training? Will I be fine?

I hope it's smooth heartbeat during such job training, I wonder when is it hopefully it's close to December so I get to save money.

Today my Data reach 0.96GB out of 400GB, it's the most this month and I'm happy still nice number and rich in Data. I hope I can do something nice with this number like if there's no jobs but to focus on medication my life heartbeat will be nicer and less worry of my life. It's so much worry this kind of life.