I wonder why the spike still strong and exist, I can't do anything to counter it, it create instability in my body/mind then hope they won't blame me for it but understanding cig. as important causing people can't quit it. Again, in I.M.H I was spiked from smoking cig.
I really feel life can be easier, I don't know why I feel lazy just now but there's no happy topic just everyone thinking of the same thing - jobclub. I really think of (S) a lot in my mind hoping I recover fast and able to know where she's at like Wali Allah or psychic, I hope she makes way to be spending time with me as I miss her a lot and won't go into becoming a drug-businessman for money, that I want her to believe. I'm thinking of other ways of living life to spend time with her like just saving my ez-link to spend time with her even without money due to schizophrenia.
I don't know why my life is let be like this for so many years, people just been wanting me to take medications and I really take them this time, then why is ease not really created for me? I really want to have a peaceful life like supported even if I've been spiked instead of blaming me for it and I have to survive it myself. I think Anhedonia made me wanting to eat more delicious food because of the lack of pleasure each serving gives, it's like my Brother Eaten Chili Tuna leaving half of it but if me I can finish the entire Tin of Chilli Tuna to eat with rice. Their appetite is different, he orders small food like nothing while I calculate pizza bread as $4 to be something satisfying to spend on as priority to buy.
I'm really waiting for the Soldier Job at 38 years old that I hope it can be faster at 37 years old within December-June next year, so I can be earning happily without a problem. I don't know why my family choose to skip topic of it, it's maybe they anticipate I plan to skip jobclub because it's unnecessary in my mind. I remember it's during jobclub that the Soldier Job offer will appear in my life. I hope it's true.
I love how I hear voices of my memories conversation with (S) on train, psychic knowing about today and I'm decided by her to use C.D.C Voucher to spend on my needs, I really feel she cared my life if I don't remember her maybe I forgot I have C.D.C Voucher, I remember cig. footsteps is bad to pick by her, really grateful of her attentiveness. She's really special and that special moment on M.R.T is really all psychic knowledge that we don't know have C.D.C Voucher such thing in our life. Happy how she reminded me to use it just by memory of how psychic knows that I will remember the conversation in voices.
I told nurse just now I feel hot when the medicine injection in body is wearing off, then I don't know if he pretend not knowing that I've been spiked, maybe it's spike maybe it's not but the spike really lives on in my body for so long already.
I hope I remember more of what (S) said to me in M.R.T, she's really nice and pleasant to listen to.
No comments:
Post a Comment