I don't know why voices of others is like a recording in my memory, some feelings I don't have to feel is felt too, like Crushing Hearts Statement, there's no end to this, Schizophrenia is really from statement of others or it's the Catatonia and Anhedonia?
Don't know why Small Girl would attack so harshly just because worried of people finding out she likes to bully little girl(a toddler) maybe. There's no ending way of her voices just calming myself as much as I can by writing.
There's no shortcut as have to wait in life or just do the jobclub, the cost to join it is $90-$200+ so can't be that I would stop anyway, don't know why it's like meaningless imagination of "cleaning training" and still I won't contact first too because of saving money for transport. No idea why they allow sadness to happen in life like not just letting me save up money. It's like wishing for other's death then a death happens then truly no feelings about it, because too annoying then found out it's maybe family members, I really don't know my family members before then can't be thinking others easily as family members, maybe by faces. They like to create heating-heart and still survive in life continuing it.
Doctors don't know how to shutdown the memories of bad experience, just because never beat up a small girl had to hear a lot of her talks and became in my memory, then it's 17 years too late her success in causing my life broken. Means whatever bad happens to her will be liked by me, then I don't know why none of them tried to get my Ex back to confirm it's memories of the small girl's talks then it's too late like, she didn't effort too, losing my happiness to wish for her is like a secret desperation of something else. It's a way of life from feeling pain.
Means my heart can't feel happy liking my ex sometimes as the effort to want me to remember doesn't exist, it's just stories of psychic that I may become a mastermind as their top advantage in not helping me anything in life. They all believe in psychic even if claim to not believe in psychic stories, means psychic really wasting their time talking to family maybe, but doctor is a doctor just doing what a doctor can.
Then its too bad psychic prioritize older people of my family anyway and not me(the patient), that I just go through this with anticipation kind of pain, I think it's called Catatonia whatever that our heart been stopped from worry, anger, sadness, stress, then it's Mental Sickness called Schizophrenia that happened to Me?
They maybe laughing and happy of the pain in my life because it's not their luck to be like me, then (S), (W) and (A) will feel pain from Schizophrenia too, then too bad for them if I just "understand differently" like they should've helped me during my difficult moments, means no one really cares is the secret reality of life.
In the end just to believe Soulmate as definition of what others feel (after marrying the person then is a soulmate) and just knowing Soulmate feeling sick too, like too bad.
Weird if even contact can lead to become a Mastermind, they got me into no life at all, then if appear after years, it's actually no feelings like an effort exist just waiting and earning money or just understanding psychic told everything then actually not or I became a useless person that cant work that they will say as "don't want to work". They really just creating anger into my heart to become hotter like existence of Hell. Why are they giving me anticipation of Hell feelings even after my mother tried being nice like giving CDC Voucher? I really cannot feel good.
Recovery said as 38 years old, then there's no alot of ease at 37 years old just normal living too, and normal anticipations as well in their talks or topic they start - just creating anger to my heart(it becomes heat up like hell exist, supernatural heat).
No comments:
Post a Comment