It's 2nd Days Not On Cigarette I Wonder If I Can Make It, People are not being understanding that I really want to quit too to save money if I imagine no one help with cig. as the reason.
As long as cig. is not the cause of stupidity I'm fine I guess.
I just have 14 more days left then it's half year done "On Medications", I wonder what memories will come back to me and how I will recover from remembering. It's like remembering I have ever spoken to (S) and it recovers me abit, as it's 1 of life goal to tell her at least that I love her. When I forgot and considered myself as "haven't spoke to her" I feel a deeper sickness again, the love sick is like that. It was only a day difference then the recovery is a lot when I remembered I have talked to her before on M.R.T, I don't know why they don't support by reminding me I have ever talked to her before.
Today will be going for haircut, it's like $4-$5 only, my mother says, in Batam. I really haven't dyed my hair yet too, it's like the time is after this haircut, hahaha. I worry if I will get stomach ache when doing haircut, I hope it is smooth.
I received SMS from SpeedPost that my item is in letterbox, very funny as it's Boxers then it makes me happy too.
Today my left injection feel painful abit again maybe because of the hard foldable sofa I sleep on as bed, I hope it's fine, I still can stretch my arm so I guess I'm okay, don't know why it feels stronger anyway today.
Yesterday's food I posted on Facebook, I'm thinking that people that knows I'm schizophrenia are the only readers to my blog. It's weird I don't have friends then I still blog, (S) knows she's the reason I think to reach for her, but I still feel like she don't really cares as I'm not contacted by her or she thinks doctors will tell her phone number away to me? I don't think doctors will give me her number, it's maybe from her 1 day if I get it. I don't know why to think this way, if it's been so many years to get her number, maybe she don't like me anyway, she don't consider me as someone to look forward to meet to in heaven 1 day.
What I remember from doctor is: (S) and me will have the same death date and time, we will die together from old age, a natural death, isn't this like enough proof she's my soulmate then?
Too much to be coincidence.
Nobody seems at effort to tell me or relieve my stress in life about the difficulty nobody talks to my parents to ease my life abit like giving money, I don't know why they're like this even if I have schizophrenia, they're not really helpful at all, and I stress of saving money that's free from Assurance Package. Why is my difficulty like a poor man when my family is seen as rich but I just have to act in believe of their lie that they have no money, wondering why they're like that to me, I become to still be like a kid at this age.
Tomorrow is the day I'm going home, I really feel like quitting cig. and feeling to smoke is normal I guess if did not smoke. I hope I'm successful in quitting cig. but doctors really knows if I will smoke or not, but they don't tell me.
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