It feels I repeated something

I don't know the energy to write was like the same thing, is it because I dreamt twice too? It's like I ever wrote the same thing too.

Now is night time, I'm so bored, I exercise my legs a lot to create relaxation feelings. It's still like fat hope I would receive a kind of help, I just have to feel hellish I guess, I really have no choice but just stress of the thinking my money are finishing, really lately ive been writing a lot about money, I don't know why it's like this the strictness.

Just now my mother cooks sardine it's delicious like masam manis I like it a lot, ate with keropok.

Kinda getting like desperate as (S) didn't reply me or just kept ignoring me, it's just my luck or what, I still kept forgetting she tunang with monkeyface that responded on her Instagram as "don't talk to my wife", sejak bila tah wife but why (S) let me feel or experience something like this. Isn't she hinting to stop trying for her already? I think should really stop too because I forgot she works at O.C.B.C for so long, then have to search her name again then discover again, entah berape kali lost memory.

I hope doctors just stop trying already and help me instead because I'm about to start work soon, but I don't know whose going to give her my writings then, my relative should stop too, until my parents try themselves 1 day or actually like will never try because my mother responded like that. The strength when doctor helps really happens like when doctor decided to not help(and focus on her) in front of me, suddenly the pain comes back to my body, I think its like to believe about "Suntricity" too, maybe it's real some images really removes pain from body. It's like these dots: •••••••• it removes pain when I look at it, just simply like that. I kept forgetting about it, I think of making it my background image soon 1 day.

I really think (S) is not giving any chance at all, that's why I think doctors and relative should stop, I think she's just harvesting evidence of harassment and because I love her maybe? I really have to think like I don't know her too, because she treated me this way. It's been so long anyway. I wonder who she will be reading me from if not doctor, did she hire someone to print my writings? I wonder this too. I think it's meaningless to try for someone that tunang already, like have the heart to do that means actually feel nothing about me at all. Maybe it's just the small girl's voice that requested to not give up, not her voice. Small girl really messed me up, my life ruined multiple times.