It's like the moment of giving up, when I actually give-up when she have a child or married other guys, I really won't want her anymore, then she would be fired from job and accident at her face, isn't it that I have proven my love for her long enough then she knew or believe-somehow that I would only recover at 38 years old?
The energy of "working at Popeyes" 1 day makes me feel like giving up on her and just live my life as best as I can be, looking for other girls(hard with right reasons) unlikely will happen, she didn't try to contact me at all is the sad thing. My effort for her happiness been maximum and I am dreamy(sometimes I thought it's a dream) about it, it's very much like "a dream come true" that I have given her to work at O.C.B.C, she definitely love it as have worked more than 10 years.
I am thinking of how to give up when the small girl knew her name, and have decided to talk into my memories and it exist by voices, I'm sad in life that I got to know the small girl in my life journey, I really hate her a lot. I don't know what her family would say about it, my mind is corrupted by her. I can't think well what to believe, like can't think for myself as keep hearing her voice. She never give up in her attack-activities. I regard that I will lose (S) too before anything even happen especially if the talk of long sleeve etc. been the small girl and not (S) that says it, means if I believe wrongly again means my life have been ruined before it even started, she's a level of closest to insanity but taking university and getting a degree. My luck in life is really sad how she have ruined my life multiple times without a beating from me, as she's a girl that try to get me strapped jacket means want me to feel the urge to chase her and beat her, kind of statements she created for me to listen.
She's kinda self-protected far away(maybe) from me, I don't care even if she dies, even if she's a Daughter of Wali Allah, her attitude and character is truly evil. She's like a version of Kafir that we understand in Al-Quran, just that she's Daughter of Wali Allah.
Continuous attacks we learnt about Islam are understood as "from Kafir", but this girl is the one attacking me instead. It's a high-level statements of injuring my life(to create suffering), as I definitely will admire Wali Songo and she lied behind Wall that they're around, I don't even know about Death of Wali Songo.
I don't see my future as forgiving her at all.
Anyway, I'm really looking forward for a healthier life of working and earning, and waiting for 38 years old is so hard, they didn't give me a shortcut in life at all. I feel like working at any Dishwasher Job I can get, just to earn and I can't ignore the Stress About (S), then sadly the small girl already knew to involve herself in creating statements again and again. Even every Hari Raya I won't forgive the small girl, she's truly like a Hellfire that deserve to be Imprison but just that she's Schizophrenia, maybe require other treatment. She's too energetic in her attacks-activities.
Sad life how doctors unable to help too, and I go through it still.
It's like would doctor even bother to know what I hear or listening to? Doctor cant help me so much I guess, it's like I've ever reached Johor alone and doctor wasn't around, sadly.
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