It's weird the words reasons like people read

Like people read then the outcome is different, maybe people are lazy or not savvy or not read ready? I didn't tell my family but just expecting from readers first, it's not to know if my family reads my blog.

Anyway me with the new t-shirt I bought:

Don't know if it will be placed to Anaqi after wash but it's really M size, my size.

I'm at Day 138 out of ward on medications and +48 = 186 days on medications, I really been over 6 mths on medications and happy about it. Yesterday doctor said that if 1 year then change into oral medicine, because last year I did not take medicine after changing it, then I guess I'm okay about it. Doctor really not being psychic to me and just being a doctor, boring like no information flow into my life.

Yesterday night I was really being fast about making a forum for family members to keep in touch, because ajaran Islam is about keeping in touch then I'm just trying my best to make everyone able to communicate with each other because if they Whatsapp group it would be too noisy and alot of sounds. I don't know why it's okay to live far from each other as family members: Jawa, Johor and Selangor. It's weird I think.

I think doctors really not helping me because "have nothing to worry" to believe, I remember Nenek Gemok saying if making a password forum doctor said it will cost $1 only to make for me. Having a password is really nice I really want to know about my ideas about Hybrid Fruit Plants if it will happen, every 20 years the Hybrid Fruit will be successful, I really think should make a lot of Durian + Mango Hybrids, it will definitely be nice sweet Durians.

With half month after Simba expiry I'm only 165mb/400gb usage, I really feel bad it's only low usage, I really want to live like living my life, I really hate how I forgot the shortage of money is because of death of family members and not to be too happy about it, it was known in the past and because maybe I would be writing happy stuff on my blog if a relative had died then I didn't think of relative is like a bad person. It's just my luck in life as Allah takes away lives even if I'm schizophrenic and difficult in life.

Every morning I have nothing to do while my family members would pray I usually don't pray, I'm the only one left in my family who doesn't pray on time, schizophrenia really makes its difficult but I remember my neighbour claim can actually pray to my mother, so I don't know my luck really maybe after a long time on medications then it's okay anyway. The way of I.M.H really can't pray at all, maybe must being own sejadah and kain then can pray, it's weird it have to be like that maybe it means actually we don't need to pray at all? It really doesn't matter as my family don't read as we understand Islam pray = solat while sometimes I write pray to mean "doa". Means my writing is not really working to communicate with readers at all.

I really planning to try quit cig. again so I have money for prata cheese egg mainly, I just worry of the spikes that it can be felt just now when I was in toilet smoking, it's like a peaceful feeling then I love such peace to happen in my life. Schizophrenia really experience loss of peace in life.

It's really hard to believe "money is not a problem" when I'm living like this, it doesn't tally to my life at all such words. I'm just in pain from money, it's hard my life's luck going to be this way. I really feel no family members reads but maybe doctors read, the outcome yesterday made me feel this way or they're actually not savvy about computers yet, then needing a doctor to tell how to register a forum or what a forum means. It's really good way of news spread instead of Whatsapp that it can be messy to our life, forum we can read it continuously and even lock an information to be permanent like a noticeboard. It's really nice I think, I really want to see family actually communicate with each other instead of being silent like me because of schizophrenia. If family members all have RG477V example, we can still accompany each other to play games together and still have fun in life, life is too boring like me I have no friends at all, unlike everyone else have someone to chat with their entire life while me 16 years solo and alone, I really experience bad in my life.

I have 6 more days left until jobclub to hope the way doctors communicate with me become different and reminding me of how to communicate with my family to get what I want, like a trade for peace, I wonder how long is the plan of not giving me money, it's good too I think because enjoying after a death news is really like a useless man.