I feel like a Man having schedules, I wonder if (S) pity me like I have to experience painful injection every month, that's known as "temporary pain" and decide to be in relationship with me. In the past I really don't want a relationship out of pity, but when I desire (S), it's like any tactic or strategy to be in relationship with her. Her face is definitely clear as someone difficult to get and I've been in love with someone so beautiful, she being not married isn't it odd enough that someone beautiful as her don't have children yet at this age, doesn't it make it clearer that she's my soulmate? Why she didn't think like this? Why God created me to think of her so much since baby days or kindergarten days? The love is true since kids days it's definitely forever or everlasting.
Just now i ate prata cheese egg, imagining myself no longer smoking for the rest of the month, due to saving money, I hope the difficulty is not too bad, the craving for cig. being not supported or understood is hard, my family really need to read about cig. and then support me when I'm in need of it, it's better than pain of craving it.
I finally wear the black jacket again that I bought cheaply as it's nice, I really like black stuff, it's really nice:
Just now when waiting for my prata.
It's only been 1 hour since my last post, the confusion exist like if anyone truly reads my blog is from the matter I write about then the quantity of views, the importance like matches. Then previous one I have 17 viewers, I hope it's true. Just now when I on the lift I planning whoever regarding me as this brother, son, true friend(this level of friendship), relative, to join our family forum too 1 day when it's done, maybe it's like a rush because I remember nenek gemok as old and then doctor say once the forum start, nenek gemok will actually use it for 5 years long before her death, so I think it's important to let them communicate a nice way instead of phone sometimes it's hard to hear, then if writings it's easier to read and understand the message. I'm definitely promoting communication with family members about anything and chemistry to exist and increased this way, a family bond, it includes for everyone like "family of wife of family member etc.", it's definitely nice to have a page that's our family and true friends-reflexes on us, that we know each other.
I feel have the most bapak angkat etc. because I hear they knew me since baby as the actual fact, then I think this chemistry method is important that we are all smart as fact. I don't know if it's from schizophrenia or people pity me that I kept losing memories since baby days then I may not know my own mother and father since baby. It's like it ever happen, I've been schizophrenic since baby.
The energy about I.M.H appointment is my recovery that will happen and I remember "1 year of risperidone will become psychic", means I will become psychic in about 1 year+ if doctor changing my medicine into risperidone, or even in 1 mth after taking risperidone, it's 1 year or 1 mth said by doctor, means I really will become a psychologist too like doctors? I really want to become an understanding and kind souls like doctors, I really admire how they can understand multiple languages and I want to do it too.
I remembered about story of doctor that I will be right hand man of Imam Mahdi at 44 years old, then I feel of learning Arabic language 6 mths from now, I really energetic to become somebody special in the eyes of Muslims, especially my plan of hybrid fruit farms for Imam Mahdi and Muslims to feel lebih untung di dunia to match story of Al-Quran that Muslim lebih untung. Hybrid fruit is the most special to happen as it's 16-20 years then the hybrid will occur, that it will become a hybrid tree, then we have created it from this energy for so long as a family to share with True Muslims and Imam Mahdi's choices. I plan we become a businessman that interferes to help Muslims around the world as Tentera Imam Mahdi only have 313 people, then we don't desire to be Terrorists(they have weapons etc. while story of Imam Mahdi is "doa is a weapon" instead).
Family bond is important that the forum with password will one day be created with help of doctor since nobody layan this one, to know family member's chemistry with others like I have Naim who treat me like a brother that plans to buy me ROG Ally X, that's what he claim even after so many years missing from my life, it's been due to schizophrenia. It's to see who cares for our family member, maybe it's because I have schizophrenia I have so many "family angkat" that they pity me as I remembered that I experienced a lot of memory loss and maybe I haven't remembered anything much.
I really hope (S) really joins as "True Friend" including (W) and (A) because perpisahan kite was by small girl that created or psycho my thinking of the current life situation, that it lasts for so long, like I didn't score for N level because of schizophrenia too. Maybe 1 day when the real one happens, nobody continued to energize me about this forum maybe advice from doctor is like that, maybe it's not the time yet and doctor will decide for our family. I just want to create the chemistry happens somehow.
It's like News to share with family that "Forest City" house is a nice place to buy even if it's empty, it's empty still makes it more peaceful and because it looks very technological or new city kind of life in Johor it's worth to buy, it's something like this to share at family forum, our views. Then even "Legoland became fun(if it became fun) to try going 1 day", kind of news for family members to not be late in enjoyment in life. I really want to create the bond to happen and maybe I'm the most pemalu in the family, it's still nice I have this plan for family members to create the chemistry tighter for each other.
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