I can finally feel the weight if as a smoker, other people are quite lucky, then vape can't exist anymore because of drug mixing in the oil, I thought vape will become legal because of saving money from cigs., life really became harsher and harsher, I will try calculate myself as not smoking tomorrow onwards only have 1 stick left for desperate moments, it's really the end to understand "special smoker" as someone that quit smoking immediately, then I'm at home always having nothing to do, while the people who read me maybe are people that Solat, then if doctors are peaceful and never Solat I really want to learn how it's done, I really want to become a strong person like doctors.
I just want to achieve the peace without having to Solat first because I feel something uneasy I don't know what, it's maybe the jerking of body that somehow when it don't jerk, it's something kind of feelings inside my body, what if it's the cause of anhedonia? I really don't know why it's like that, why my body have to feel or be different to be receiving talks of "To Solat" etc. I really hard to do the common sense of life.
It's like imagining smartness, M.M Lee Kuan Yew never solat but still the highest rank, like now P.M Lawrence Wong too, peace still can be achieved their way somehow, to become a Genius and Top Ranks in Singapore are really not Solat, I really want to become like them, Smart and Everything, while Solat believed as Peacemaking theres other ways for Peace too, maybe my schizophrenia type is hard to Solat. It really feel uneasy, then I'm left alone like people are forcing me to do it by Silence or Not Helping/Supporting Me.
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