Anbernic RG477V will be out in 30 minutes time, it's definitely fun to be knowing this countdown, like a life of gaming still exist, it's a long time of waiting for it I wonder if anyone of my family will buy for me, but they look quiet and yesterday argument with sister looks like not getting RG477V from them. I really just have to wait for a job from Jobclub and can't be feeling like the first to get this item.
I think I will still get to play PS1 games on Anbernic as it can play PS2 games I think, it will definitely be fun and catching up to old days in the 17 years of life gone. I feel like I've been risked away easily in life to feel and experience bad life multiple times, now just the energy from the voices of small girl somehow stuck into my mind, it's external voice so it seems like someone is really speaking to me, I don't know why medications can only do this to me, it decreases the voices and heat in body.
Just now I airfry spicy chicken and cook rice and ate them together, feeling full and satisfied, the spicy chicken is quite addictive to eat. I feel bad when I woke up from sleep in the afternoon like unhealthiness happens suddenly, I don't know why it's like that too. I truly hope this time I can quit smoking properly. It's going to be my last moments because January entire month is being filled with Jobclub 2 times weekly every morning. Doctor definitely knew I would wear Navy Blue and Black MIG T-Shirt, with my new Canvas Shoes that's artistic like have 2 shoe laces at the sides, I'm really happy if I can do well in this jobclub until I get a job. I hope job appears during my cleaning training moment so my money is more by January and February.
I still did not manage to get anyone to be in touch with me, my time in life is like a loner during the 17 years and even this time even taking medications, no one accompanies my life, I'm so bored. Games like at Play Store are like all boring to play, only M.L, P.U.B.G and I uninstalled Free Fire, I really have no life and no one cares because they're living life - my brother works, my mother at jawa, my father works, and both my sisters work too, they're all at good health but without understanding talk like knowing I'm hard to work, my 17 years of life happens like nothing, they just making me wait for money like on purpose. I don't know why none of them getting for me (S) like they've ever said, I really have nobody to help me and doctors unreachable to contact. It's too obvious I will ask about (S), I wonder why it's taking them so long or why (S) is so strong to ignore me, maybe she's just having no feelings for me is the harsh reality of life that I'm in delusion.
I really feel unhealthy now, I'm hoping for some health and strength but I am maybe impatient about Jobclub or Popeyes job, I really want all the pain to end, the memories to come back and celebration of recovery from my family, even late presents for my birthday like RG477V 1 day, I really feel my life been nothing for so long. I understand schizophrenia some are lucky like their family really buy for them cig. it means they're luckier outside, they're phone also looks more expensive than mine, they're all luckier schizophrenics when I was in I.M.H, I had nothing not even Android phone to play with. I remember there's a type of pleasure during sleep when I was in I.M.H, I really think smoking takes that pleasure away and I want to quit smoking but then, it still creates me schizophrenic like hallucinate and imagine (S) and kept seeing my father in my vision, I still hallucinate, I dream like accident at boat and I'm actually in a coma I thought, then in life in a dream, in the dream I ever thought I finally met (S) on another boat that clashes too, I wonder what it all meant, I really excited to quit smoking this time because of the feelings that I miss(the dreams I get when I don't smoke), but still hope for a nicer sleep too.
I wonder what will make (S) contact me, I've tried writing in sadness and anger, or in love, but it didn't work at all, I then just do a life writing like normal and I wonder what (S) feels about me "because I don't know her", sadly it's like that, I really want to be someone that knows my soulmate.
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