The Minyak Is Warming My Body and It Feels Peaceful, Just Like Bits of Hotness Like Spices Making Worry of Abrasion Such Thing.
Yesterday My Father Bought Me Chicken Chop with Tomato Rice, Just Another Life Of Healthy Future Babies Everytime I Remember This, No One Planned(Me And [S]) To Have Babies Before Marriage, We Rarely Talk To Each Other For That To Become a Comfortable Topic. I Truly Wish and Hope (S) Marries Me.
Yesterday the Sleep Was Better, My Arm Strengthen By Minyak Gamat. I Remember My Difficult Days Was Really Known By (S), And It's Up Until Tomorrow Then I Will Get My Assurance Package, She Knew This From Psychic When I'm In M.R.T With Her At That Time, The First Time We Talked To Each Other.
Just Around 15+Hrs To Go Until Assurance Package Banked In.
I Had To Write About Cig. Because It's Too Painful and Panic Feelings In My Heart, I Really Wanted More Peace From My Mother As She's Grown Old - 70 Years Old And To Be Creating Anger is Unnecessary. Don't Know If She Intend To Become Like "Cik Norma" That Died, But It's Maybe Idea of Her To Keep The Temperature In My Body Lower Than It Can Become, Because Doctor Claim About The Heat Didn't Become The Total Hotness it Can Become If They Cause Me Anger/Requiring to be Patient. It's Weird It Makes Me Think If Hisyammuddin(Son of Cik Norma) Really Will Have Schizophrenia Too Because Only Him Understand The Heat That Our Parents Give To Us, Inside Our Heart. He's Luckier in Life He's Stronger and I Experienced Schizophrenia First, But His Working Status Doesn't Really Look Like He Will Get Schizophrenia At All. The Anger is From Memories in Voices That Build Up Heat In Heart To Be Patient.
I Wonder if the Heat in Heart is Called Catatonia Because Our Body Stuck To Feel The Pain. It's Weird Like We Can Forget Who Attacked Us(In Statements - Like the Small Girl That Did To Me) and Then Be Normal To Them The Next Day Maybe Like No Revenge. Then My Memories Can Be Heard In Voices. I Think Like It's Eating Causing More Stability To Hisyammuddin(Son of Cik Norma) Though.
Anyway Today is Another Day I Think of "Why (S) Haven't Contacted Me Yet"? Maybe she's really busy with her niece and work then sleep? Weekends if she ever contacted me it will become a long wait for her reply because she spend time with her niece like I'm neglected so it's not good to contact yet? I really have no idea why Doctor can't let me know about her too - like update me. It's my usual heart activity keep missing her and my brain activity keep thinking of her.
What's more Important maybe the Fact that I'm Recovering at 38 Years Old, The Pallet Job Said During B.M.C, That I Will Get From Community Centre(But Community Centre Haven't Open Yet Maybe) Causing Me To Grow Well Being Able To Work. I maybe just need to eat a lot more to be more stable like Hisyammuddin.
I Know I Need To Smoke and Be a Special Smoker(A Person That Can Suddenly Quit Cig. On The Spot) But I Wonder How To Train Myself To Become It.
Oh It's Maybe The Spike Causing Me Like This And Can't Become A Special Smoker? The Body Heat Up Causing Wishes For Smoking Menthol(Cold) Cig. To Cool Inside Body. Yesterday at N.T.U.C I Discovered L&M Have Blue Too, It's Colder Than Menthol Like A New Try In Life 1 Day.
I Just Know I Sometimes Need Body To Be Hot(Smoking Red) and Cold(Smoking Green or Blue), That I Can Change Cig. Type Anytime, Then Maybe Spikes Causing Me Difficult To Feel Normal That I Need To Smoke To Be Stable or Else I Will Shiver in Anger or Secret Rage for Something To Pleasure Me. At Least Smoking is Just Temperature Matters and Decreases The Instability That I Got From Spikes.
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