Why is it continuous for so many years? The pain from medication brought up this memory? I really just have to eat medications to carry on my life.
Today I can't spend my supermarket vouchers on cig. at NTUC 888, sad but life have to be like that, I really am surviving and I think to pick cigarette that my brother didn't finish to roll and smoke as rolled cigarette. I wonder why the suffering is like this, people don't understand the importance of cig. but I'm ending up as a special smoker 1 day anyway I wonder why.
The heat in my heart lives on from the memories of the small girl, there's no way anything she do can make me happier again, she just grow up to become a bad girl. I don't know why the voices like a recording of my conversation with her. It's not ending for so long and I can't be stronger to just work too, as injection caused another panic of constant pain every injection then suddenly out of job?
I think I need to go back to Risperidone again or Haloperidol but will doctor create me to be warded again? Why is my life like this. If sometimes it's not too bad I think to just take the injection again 29 December, I really coping hard with this.
I remembered this day will happen and (S) would want me to wait until 5 Dec to buy cig. again. Means psychic knew this day too, why is my life like this then? There's no way I can recover at 37 years old? I know at 1 moment psychic could've helped me but I gave all to (S) to be stronger to achieve her happiness in her job, then suddenly the pain increased again in my body but I think due to loving her so much, it is okay. It was during hacking for O.C.B.C I think when on the day she got the job. I really feel pain increased again but I worry she suffer the same pain as mine, if able to work it means her health is fine and strong.
What happen if I can request psychic to cut half strength for me to be able to work again? Would she get schizophrenia then?
"Rezeki Dari Allah" But my life is like this, my brother only gave me money on October I wonder why only 1 month too.
The anger creation from small girl is bad I have to suffer wishing like she gets this kind of pain at the same time, but she's a girl, maybe when she regret and decided to stop then I would wish something else. My luck in life is bad, she grew stronger into able to talk then talk nonsense of me that I remember by memories by voices. Means when she was a smaller girl she used to smile a lot, then suddenly always grumpy and bad mood face, then my luck saw her bullying toddler and this happened to me after some years for 17 years.
I remember she didn't really stop 1 time, it's because she have lived somewhere else, she was behind the wall talking to my area of hearing senses, it's unstoppable.
She talk a lot but then entered university like a nice or smart girl instead.
Will think like comparing her to my life, she is lucky in strength receiving support to live elsewhere with confidence, I receive no support at all, my family didn't even let me learn computers when I quit school, I lost memory for so long then. I learnt hacking myself by trying out stuff and my hacking journey started with a a memory loss then I gave everything to doctor of what I have learnt: hacking methods.
Doctor continued accessing my victim through their permission "as long as a psychic" then they will become my friends 1 day in life, it's weird doctor claimed I'm top hacker in the world but I'm like a useless life living with no gains for so many years.
The best gain ever is getting (S) her job at O.C.B.C, because I got a chance to talk to her, then that's all.
She don't know why so many Psychics following her is because of me wanting her healthy, she's schizophrenic 1 day in the end anyway, I've done my best giving her the best health and they are from psychics that wanted me to be their Son(I just remembered this few days ago).
There's so many psychics in her life she's so lucky to feel their strength around in her workplace, always getting to know about me somehow, then I wonder if her spy is around my life too, I wonder who are they too, can't I communicate with her myself through her spy?
I feel like wanting energy to work again, as she still doesn't contact me back but it's only 29 December I can talk to psychic again, it's still a long way to go.
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