Morning To Shop

Today I ate spicy chicken with rice then went to shop, I feel poor and fear of shortage of money. I used NETS to pay now it's just a tapping of card like EZ-Link to pay for NETS, means if found someone's A.T.M card it really becomes spendable, weird have to be like that, why A.T.M card is easy to use like that?

I post on blog this image because usually it's my grey longsleeve image. Today is Sunday anyway, (S) is not working and spending time with niece at home I guess, I wonder why I was ever created to go C.C.K by small girl, she just telling that (S) lives there? My memory came back like this. Why (S) no longer uses social network like Facebook? Why did she ignore me on Facebook? Why I wasn't given any chance at all? The day I contacted her on Facebook was the day she tunang with monkeyface but it had to be like this.

I read a quote that "if a girl ignores you, she want you to know how much she is hurt deeply", I wonder who hurt (S)? Isn't she having a happy life working on weekdays and weekends with niece? Can monkeyface really hurt (S) a lot like she fell in love with him is it the reality of life? How did she fall in love with a monkeyface and get hurt then?

My life's hard I'm not even stable to be strength for (S) if she doesn't want to work, but I did my best and became a hacker for bank(O.C.B.C) and she got her job through me, how come we are not in touch after that?

Anyways I see that Nintendo Switch now costs $150 like that and have R4 Card that is 1000+ Games for the Nintendo Switch, I really think if I should buy it too, in the end I won't be spending money on games? Why did my family let me have a difficult life?

I really have to wait until around March, unless G.S.T Package money is a lot, for Anbernic RG477V or Nintendo Switch. I doubt I can ever Solat properly because of the earthquake feeling at head it brings loss of peace. I really want to become smart and peaceful like doctors as they didn't have to Solat at all to be intelligent. I wonder how they do that? I just have to take medications and my memories will come back slowly?

I saw a website to learn language but have to register: loecsen.com - it's weird but it's not a kind like teaching manners but translation of a statement instead to click and listen ourself how it's spoken, it's weird I really like the type that's HSK 1. I really only need to become member of YouTube to know the HSK 2 part 11 onwards, it's really unfair I can't get the full lesson, I really need to learn somewhere else like a paying course like GioMandarin I saw at Gumtree Facebook advertisement. When will I become smart like doctors? I'm really unstable now and the small girl's voice really exist and it's quite torturous even if it decreases and decrease of heat too in my body as I take medications.

Right now I'm 129 days outside ward on medications, +48 days = 177 days on medications, I only have 6 days left then I'm half year done, I'm truly excited hoping 6th month is the month my family will be nicer to me and give me money as a celebration that I take medications properly, I really hate surprises as I don't know my future, like I can't plan properly.

It's hard to think if micro earthquake keeps happening in body, like jerking, I really feel like I need benztropine but why I must tell doctor and not doctor just giving me straight away? The jerking of fingers still happens I just don't like to be unstable too.

I really just have to let time pass normally until my Jobclub days, to goal of ending January and then have a Job by February, my life will become nicer hopefully, I hope they give me a job by January then I would be happier man already. I hope I'm strong to continue my life properly, it's really difficult to endure this kind of pain, it really exist - just the medication really decreases it, and the spike maybe causes the vision of seeing my father and hot feelings in my body, cold cig. is the fastest first aid after cold water is finished, I really am surviving and hoping to be strong.