Morning Wake-Up

It's like during my first day at home from ward, I woke up early today, my left arm still in pain it's been 2 weeks+ already.

Today morning I ate paru packet rice and bought epok2 and redbull early morning, my father's daily life is still going to work like (S), they are healthy and fit somehow I think I still worry of (S) if she ever will fall in love and become lovesick, lovesick makes a person so weak and imagining life with the person in love with and plans life of togetherness while living life.

At first I planned life to have no children and just live with (S) as a couple, even if we only talked a few times - Fence of Innova Junior College, M.R.T and O.C.B.C, the 3 situation she was already attached to the person she tunang with, I remembered about fence few days ago, my memory really recovers and I gain back my memory of my life. It's still like a dream though. I assume she actually felt normal when in front of me and have no feelings at all causing her tunang with monkeyface, it's sad how I'm deeply in love with her and thinking "girls know everything", I actually thought she felt the same way that she's my soulmate. We have ever spoken with each other before maybe in baby days, it's really a nice chemistry, through phone from effort of psychics, then we met in kindergarten, it's still like a dream though.

I know 1 day doctors will normalize with me again and not be a doctor and really will talk of (S), it's been 1 year or more that they never talk of (S), means doctors actually really will help me get (S), 1 of it is when I claim she will become a Witch if don't marry me, doctor really help by saying her nose will keep growing to become a Witch if she don't marry me, hahaha, she's such a beautiful girl so rare and unique face, I've fallen in love with someone that actually feel nothing or normal about me for so long and many years, I really don't like my love to be like this that she don't understand that love is really love? Maybe she don't believe that I love her so much like a lifetime partner or spouse? It was at the Fence of Innova Junior College.

Now at this age, seeing her still not married, I still feel I have the chance, as marriage is imagination of s*x during honeymoon, I really don't want a non-virgin girl and consider her as gone from my life if she married, she will definitely become a Witch in my thinking as already s*x with other man.

I saw her tunang "Nur Iman" twice at night at my mart or it could be someone that just looks like him? Why is he there? Did they actually read my email and know my address? I emailed both (S) and "Iman" to get (S) at that time.

I really don't know but I feel like I can get her again but she just don't love me like I do? It was just my imagination and thinking of soulmate?

I really hope doctors still help me get her, it's been so many years we never talked to each other about her and doctors just remaining as doctor most of the time, I really want (S) as my lifetime partner because I truly believe she is my soulmate as another reason, then another reason is I love and miss her a lot. If I got her number maybe I would keep sending message that I love her doctor said, then it becomes a common sense that she have to understand that I love her even without messaging her, it would be nice if I become in her memories or mind all the time.

Anyway, RG477V is soon coming out but I checked at Amazon and it's still not there, I remember this is the one I should have as it's the latest Anbernic. What's cool about Anbernic is it sounds Malay "Ape Niek?!" when I first saw it due to being "seperti katak bawah tempurung" in my life ketinggalan zaman about technologies, so it becomes cute it's a lot of nice game then "what is this?!" Hahaha. Even 2GB Thumbdrive is $7+ now, the price really drop a lot as it's been so many years, I feel like I can get a rich strong computer cheaply this time too. What's nice is I can have so many RAM, I think it's until 32GB RAM now. Then 1TB Hard drive is enough even if it's cheap already, I have lost life with computers for so long.

I don't know why doctors and my family let me in imagination of having computers before I have it, it's still like desiring them to buy me one, I wonder how I will be normal in life I truly want my room have a small flat screen television to play Anbernic on it. I really want a fun life without anhedonia that I have, it creates me loss of pleasure and even Chilli Tuna said as only 75% of the taste I been eating like that causing me wanting to eat a lot more than everyone else. It's like Ikan Bakar 3 Rasa, I would eat a lot more than everyone else maybe because of anhedonia, tasting only 75% of the pleasure of food. I think it's a serious sickness that I have, I know sometimes Chilli Tuna tastes like nothing maybe because there's no oil, then maybe it's the reason, I became serious when I heard it's only 75% of pleasure everytime I feel something, means I actually like loss a lot in life or have to do more of the fun in life.

I became like a noob in computers but the common sense of something strong is still understandable. I'm still a hacker as fact and hacking way doesn't change at all as computer remains the same.

Every morning I remember of blogging and I always been thinking of (S) ever since kindergarten days, I fall in love with her so hard and deeply it's like an explosion in my heart, it's just so hot to be patient about her, she really didn't give me a chance at all as I remembered she ever tunang with "Iman", I actually maybe in love with someone that don't know me at all? It's weird the feelings don't tally, I feel soulmate knows everything and "girls know everything" but she does not, if she knew I love her this deep she wouldn't have tunang with "Iman" the monkeyface? Why Allah created her to feel nothing from me? I know I maybe will write blog again as I'm bored like crazy, I know everyday I'm just the same lifestyle, there's really nothing to do in life - computer is important in my life that anhedonia makes losing it feel like nothing, it's too bad I can't hack for so long for not having personal computer for 17 years long?