Friends Standard

There's no friends-standards as readers I think, people don't care of me anymore because of schizophrenia, I am created nonsense because of small girl, I really loss of pleasure in life and I kept seeing handheld consoles that already became cheap and tempting to buy, just need a job that many people can do, then I can't work because of schizophrenia, it's so easy to earn $300 for most people, but for me it's like a hiking in life, I can't get easy jobs that's nice for me.

I wonder why people let me suffer without money in life, like making me write around as I have no friends, why they all left me when actually small girl created me such nonsense talks in my life? I suddenly get a different view of what kind of person I am, I became like a lot of anger for so many years. 6 months of medications isn't enough for them to support me yet, I think it's hard life as they just like it this way, life's not easy for me since a kid.

4 more days and my mother is back from Jawa and I will ask her to massage my head hopefully I recover fast, I really don't know maybe the spike need to be pushed out of head as the earthquake feeling maybe it's the spike became like a form of liquid that is thick inside my body moving around.

I am tempted to work at Sembawang 7PM-4AM Job, but Jobclub already calls me and I am needed to just wait for 1 month probation of it. It's like there were ever days people gave money that's like a dream too, I wonder why I dream like that? Yesterday or 2 days ago I dreamt of given money too, it's a big sum too. I wonder where all it went if it was not a dream, why my parents didn't let me enjoy my life? It's because of too much spending on beer and liquor as a painkiller maybe, I'm really worse than my brother as he don't drink beer at all. I remembered again of my methods of drinking beer but I didn't buy, it's so addictive my method 2 bottles of beer i can finish in less than 10mins, I wonder why I'm like this as secret fact that nobody in my family reminded me i'm a heavy beer drinker, it just came back into my memory some time ago, it's not so tempting to buy beer when I'm at shop. I also eat like a rich man when I ever bought wine for $20 that I can finish in just 1 day, I used to drink and eat rice nicely alone in room. My addiction to it is real then my brother is actually a money-saver more than me no matter his life experience.

It's just too bad people don't let me have an easy 2026 but I have to continue Jobclub and hope for easy $300 to spend $100+ buying handheld gaming console I imagine the price, then less than $300 for laptop even, money is easy for everyone else as they can work and be strong, I feel bad for (S) as she will think of money alot if she love me, I'm so bad in health that it's hard to work and I need to be energized by Jobclub again, I hope I can do well because it's doctors' decision that I'm in Jobclub. I imagine the above is only like $400 to spend, having $200 left, if salary is $1400, I'm so happy already, I really hope the hacker job story don't bore me, I really must be earning a lot, people are unhappy with earning $800 but if me I will be happy but such job is only cleaner job that I die-die don't want to work. I don't know why catatonia is the thing that makes me this way, I hope doctors find a solution faster, I think it could be lovesick that I'm supposed to fall down dead but a jerk to my body is from the soul that fail to go out, means I failed to die? Why people don't think like I will die and just be nice to me anyway? I feel like buying a lot of black t-shirts in case I can be working as dishwasher job but then I decided to stay on Jobclub due to (S) in M.R.T telling me to stick to it. She really helped my decision in life.

I wonder if I will really get a job and then take motorcycle license and if I can get the license just in 3 months? I really want to finish it fast.

I really want to be someone that have assets of my own, I definitely want a bike like K.R or my situation have to be really cheap bikes? Hahaha, I really need my health normal so I can work and be a vehicle guy.

It's truly hard life I really have to wait for Jobclub maybe they estimated my strength from doctor that I will be strong to be working yet or not. I really hope it's a nice job that I can earn a lot, I hope doctors appear in my life too but it's like they won't, to talk of hacker job, I really have plans but it's sad how I can't hack like I wish for like in the past, doctors really disallowed me to get a hacker job if I learn ethical hacking course I think? Why is he like that? I can get the course for free on YouTube but I didn't watch at all.

Why there's no friends in my life? Where everyone gone to? Why all my siblings are fit to work except me then they still don't see it they just tell me to work? Why they like to create anger or it's the small girl's voice keep talking to anger me, even if she's gone and not around it's like a recording I keep hearing it back over and over again, my heart boil up so many times I wonder why Allah let me meet her in this world. She used to be a smiley baby then suddenly monstrous kind of character expression when bullying kids. She lost her smiles long time ago when she became a tall height, she really changed into a bad girl. I wonder why Wali Allah's daughter is a bad girl, it's so far difference definitely people will say she's like her mother that's not even like her too, but does everyone know her father is Wali Allah? I wonder.

I wonder why I keep hearing her voice, it's unbeatable to end it, it really creates me dreamy maybe because of anger, like dark vision too, I really don't like her stories at all, she likes to boil my heart continuously a lot of times, so sad about it.