It is Day 143 of taking medications outside ward today and +48 = total of 191 days on medications, I'm truly happy it's been this long and successful but still not receiving support yet I wonder why it's supposed to be 6 months on medications then I will receive money, but it's like this, I'm stress about money.
My Simba data I've used 210mb/400gb it still makes me happy how much phone usage I can use in life, like a savvy of android then it's been so many years already I haven't really expert on Android just normal usage and their games are boring except few that's popular. This makes handheld console still the best about games I'm happy about it, it even can play Android games too. So cool.
Technology have became cheaper as so many years gone and I'm happy about it but I'm still poor in life not able to use high technology computer still suffering in my life. I really hope I get to enjoy computers like the past, I just now ate "Mood Support Pill" as I've eaten prata cheese egg just now at coffeeshop in the morning, I hope it stabilize me somehow then I imagine if i receive support of money I would buy "True Calm Pills" I really need it I think.
Tomorrow is jobclub that I would have to be at to do cleaning-training for 3 hours that I hope it would end faster if finish faster, I'm really happy my life is finally starting to become different and becoming a working man, it's been too long I'm suffering from schizophrenia and disability to work due to not taking medications, it's really harsh the heat and catatonia maybe the cause of/from heat? It really makes me unable to work and so angry most of the time.
I try my best to be normal actions and reflexes that it looks like I'm healthy maybe to people that don't know I have schizophrenia, I really feel it's a bad sickness and wonder why I have it. Even if my family going to get schizophrenia when I recover, it's still harsh how I'm made to wait about money and not receiving support at all about money. It's so hard this life to talk of money became like a beggar heart of anger because so rich but did not share. I wonder why my life is like this, it's just schizophrenia but made can't work many times.
Is this finally the end that I will work Jobclub hopefully by February? Am I really starting my life soon? What makes me feel like I have a lot of time and freedom then I became bored everyday? I really feel idea of doctors giving me an RG477V is cool, I really want to start talking normally like plan of family forum too, it would definitely be fun and getting news of family just from the forum like telling of my nephews' scores in exam etc. it's definitely nice our family knows whose smart and reliable in family.
Now my left eyes still in pain, but it itches a lot more making me feel happier as I think I'm recovering because it itches, I really hope by tomorrow I'm fine. I'm excited and sad at the same time hoping the jobclub jobs are not back-aching I really want to end the pain of schizophrenia by earning myself 1 day.
It's still bad like how I don't know who reads but maybe my relatives only, that's not savvy yet and don't know what family forum may mean, I really just want it to happen 1 day then it's easy news for everyone, my age became 37.5 years old already and I really am not the type that talks to relatives, it's really so long already I've been used to being like this, then maybe I won't know whose my family if every older people died, then lost contact with them thats so far away at Jawa, Selangor and Johor I wonder why they live so far away too, only 3 places away.
My family became mixture of Warak and Tattoo then it actually surprises me that we are actually related by blood, I wonder if I will became truly smart and change the view of people towards me that have tattoo, I really scored well during N level then nobody actually gifted me anything, I really don't feel supported at all.
Now this morning there's a dull feeling many times like I suddenly in physical pain on the right of my brain then my heart feels uneasy, is it schizophrenia or just something not nice to feel in life, I really want to feel nice everytime, it will make me think of drugs too, like why people are stable is actually unfair that they don't feel pain and can work while I am schizophrenic and treated like a healthy person thats lazy to work, the strictness about money is too much that they don't understand my stress about money at all. It's weird they have the heart to let me go through this. But it's maybe true like nenek feel I should go to jobclub first if not receive money and don't work maybe, it's really harsh but I just try to believe something like that then if money can make me happy, it actually would make me talk about family forum to exist too, as nenek is old then I also wonder how my family became bonded to go Selangor, Jawa and Johor so far then I actually don't really talk to my relatives kind of person. Chatting is the easier way and forum is the best plan to stay connected to each other, then daily just visit forum for news.
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