My mother made more of the addictive Sambal Kacang, means life will become tastier I think. I don't know why I mind the price of L and R button for Android is only $2+ then I still didn't buy it due to saving money and I don't frequent gaming like before, anhedonia made me waste the feelings away. I wonder what doctors would do for me to recover anhedonia, it feels like urgent recovery needed but doctors fine about it.
I wonder if (S) have the same as me, the Sambal Kacang, I really hope she taste life the same as me, if 1 soulmate is enjoying more than the other it is bad, definitely the relationship would not be nice but it's been her effort anyway about her life then I have nothing to say about it. I wonder when will she feel like she's my soulmate, will she tell me about it? Am I not familiar to her since Baby? Cant I be more than her friend already at this age? I wonder why I'm not married yet too, but why shes not married yet too? Why nobody updates me that she's not married? Won't I think her niece as her daughter instead? I wonder why my life keep having her in my mind.
Tomorrow is Sunday and I'm quite lucky it's not time yet to work, Monday and Thursday is my working day and I really will only earn $144 in February, if I do all of it, I feel like I shouldn't but RG477V because doctors really buying it for me and gifting me, it just feels real instead of a dream, because it's like doctors ever said before that they buying me RG477V, I wonder when is it that I'm going to get it. It's so long, I remember in M.R.T (S) also said of buying me this, but it don't exist yet, I think it's funny why she's like that to me, doesn't she treat me special already? Shouldnt we be boyfriend girlfriend at that time already?
Life's so long I really have nothing to do, I really just browsed PSP Games then I plan of browsing again later to download whats nice, I should really be normal and play games but the feeling is just not right, anhedonia promoted it to happen(to not play), it's so bad why do I have to be having other sickness than schizophrenia - anhedonia and catatonia, it makes it harder to get (S) to become in relationship with me. Have she answered my letter yet(putting Yes about relationship request), why is it like this so long? I really want to remember what happened at O.C.B.C as she have videos of her day of interview and get the job instead after I hack for O.C.B.C and deal to be working for the bank if she got employed, I wonder if I'm working at Popeyes, how am I working as a Hacker too? Is it Saturday and Sunday I'm a Hacker? My life's so lonely I don't have any friends that will contact me.
I feel like downloading PSP Game - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle then it looked boring, I maybe should play other games. I'm thinking what my life going to become when I'm 40 years old, and if I can really work if I take medications like doctor said it or like Hisyammuddin in the past, he grown to become someone so hardworking and he's my age I think, so lucky to have health and not experiencing schizophrenic feelings like me, I think what I write is what I remember, then I really haven't gained much memories, I wonder what else I can remember, it feels like my parents keeping away my money that was ever given to me, but it's because of schizophrenia I think, then even until now they have nothing to give me, except the EZ-link topup, I hope I am enough time to top it up again in future and not accidentally requiring cash again to bus ride home.
Maybe later I will just give up and try downloading Harvest Moon PSP, because of anhedonia I kept changing my mind. I remember I was an addicted gamer then I suddenly changed into like this and nobody worries about anhedonia is really bad, nobody try to make me feel better except the common sense of daily food to have at home. They never suggest me to try exploring around Singapore to remember what it's like in Singapore, I really miss the days of what life supposed to be like - I'm suddenly at home a lot due to schizophrenia since after N.S days, my life tonggang terbalik and I survive until today. I don't know why someone like me still believed to become a Psychologist 1 day, I really will become a doctor? I hope I'm still smart but am I really that capable? I wonder what I should do to learn O-level materials like an energy for next year doing it, I wonder what I should learn?
I thought I would be spending time downloading PSP games in the past on my Android then it's actually hard to play on Android then it became boring. I really am thinking what I should do in life other than Iqra. Everyday it is the same dullness and nobody to spend time with, semua orang dah maju bekerja and have license while I'm so late far behind in life, nobody energizes me to do anything and I'm just sitting at home now daily waiting until night time, writing the blog everyday of my medicines and Simba data. What will (S) think of me? A sick man in love with her or random expression of love from a schizophrenic old friend that's not believable? Does she believe I really love her at all?
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