So far ahead of me

Everyone is so far ahead of me, I'm just earning total of $72 including today's work, I became so weak and slow, my 100% score didn't achieve me great money because of schizophrenia, I wasted so much time in my life, it's like the only path is business because I won't have a good resume. I looked at LinkedIn, (W)'s achievement is so high, I wonder what makes her have no feelings for me, why doctors don't mind the separation to be over 10 years?

It's weird life, what will happen to the loyal girls that was in my life as my girlfriend? They maybe just rely on psychic to support themselves then what about me, my psychic doctors will be with them instead, didn't I sacrifice my needs(the doctors) that can help relieve pain in my life?

I'm in the bus now happy today's work as easy even if I'm alone the only worker that came, this schedule is due to schizophrenia like a stamina increasing plan to do the work at I.M.H.

I remember I should achieve better in life too, as people are so far ahead of me in life, will they still love me anyway? I really wonder why I became a useless man due to schizophrenia then do they understand this sickness at all? Or find me as someone troublesome to care, having extra sickness then someone they ever loved? Maybe they won't want to care me at all?