This month I only have 5 more working days left and I'm planning to do all of it, it will be nice earning maximum of what I can, then still wait for April if I get a job late, then it's going to be 3 days a week I think, I hope I get the new job, my ez-link will save up more as it will be closer to me just in Marsiling Mall. I kept saying Sakinah's name for 2 days a lot more than usual, I wonder why I miss her so much and I can't be doing anything about it. I still plan to look like her mind looks at life, and regard myself as someone single and don't have a soulmate, means when I start working I will start to think about searching for a girl to become my wife as I can't contact Sakinah like my own wish or desire but it's like locked to become only doctors or my relatives can talk to her, I really loss her already and I just have to wait for 38 years old for Wahdiah and Shahridah, I don't know about doctor ever said I will be with Lyanie 1 day, then it's maybe this time quite close already to 38 years old. Maybe the year of age 39 I will be doing my O-level and meet Lyanie again? I wonder. Story of working at Popeyes becomes in my mind again then I wonder if I really will dishwasher and not do O-level then apply for Soldier with my N-level at 39 years old. I really don't know which story of doctor is true and happening, I really don't seem like someone that will become a doctor like doctor said, I'm hopeless kind of life living like a survivor. I ever plan to go live in America and work there but I dont know how it can happen, I really want to work there and migrate because the life there is like a happier love story.
Sakinah didn't effort to meet me at all, making me sad about it, I remember I won't even visit or want to see her anymore if she got married, so I'm thinking maybe secretly she had forgotten me and I have to move on with my life thinking of other girls or just imagine what doctor ever said or told me. It's weird I don't see myself as having a future with Lyanie at all so I don't know why doctor said that relationship will happen, maybe the real one in future is my last one after all, I really don't know what will happen in future as I never contacted Lyanie more than 15 years already, it's just too long and I can't know what happened to her.
I'm still unsure if people will really give me "pity money"(for having schizophrenia) when it's June, the day I don't lose memory again, I will get money of thousands of dollars, I really hope it's true as I kept losing memory after my N.S days especially I kept becoming angry a lot and I feel hot alot of days, I'm so unlucky Alisha got to cook my soul and body like being in an Air fryer or Microwave Oven, it's so hot hearing whatever she said, the anger boils me up into a temperature I thought it's the Sun special Ozone Layer have hole and it magnifies heat, but everyone goes to work as per normal and not feeling like me was not noticed or spotted by me, I thought Dajjal days are already here because of the hotness and dryness of my life.
I know this year is Alisha's 2nd year with her boyfriend(I think) then maybe she will fall sick or her boyfriend will go I.M.H again, then it's the end she will thought her boyfriend got raped to become like my situation of pain, I'm lucky if Allah remembers and help me with making her in pain of something that don't happen but seemed like it, it's really harsh the way she pretended as my Aby and pretending a raped voice of Aby with my brother. I'm sad I broke up with Any thinking such thing happened and loss my pleasure of happiness for more than 15 years.
She pretended Wahdiah looked down on me saying I have "N level Only" then I broke up with Wahdiah, it's something like that her voice similar to my ex's voices when far, Wahdiah didn't say such thing and I'm sad I still loss the experience more than 20 years already. I wonder how am I going to revenge on Alisha, she pretended her eyes to be in pain is already twice and it's like her fooling attempt about Dajjal instead, like she will be 1 eye blinded instead of me(she lied I am sacrifice of Islam to become Dajjal and 1 eye blinded last time). Maybe she's taunting her attacks on me was successfully painful and causes fear, then I really saw her with 1 eye bandage, as she try to be funny about it again, maybe she remembers and just attacking a different way.
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