Anhedonia?

I think it's this causing me to write about pleasures of life and nice stories, that I imagine are lies, I wonder when doctors will tell me anything, maybe the anhedonia created me suicidal then became a risky writer. If I will become somebody in Singapore why my care is only like this, like nobody actually cares about me, it's really tough life but people believe I can do it even if just normal medicine daily, it's weird the weight exist but people don't pity me at all.

I nowadays do push-ups and sit-ups daily to get the new body weight and shape that I hope can happen to me because I've turned round stomach and fat in my opinion, when I look at the sides it's still my ribcage bone at my body it means I'm still skinny but why do I feel so fat, is it I drank a lot of plain water?

Anhedonia created me boring and I want more excitement and happiness in life, I think I will Solat tomorrow onwards, or somewhere April instead, it's a hard life my life. Will I even become someone that Solat daily and think more like an adult talks? Cant psychic tell me this part of me, I ever heard Wali Allah done bad things but became a Wali, I really wonder if I'm like that, I have tattoos anyway, if 38 years old I become a Wali, what month will it be? Is it year 2027 instead? I'm so unstable like still childish at my age, I really wonder if I can become President for real, I definitely will effort like that in life, but nobody cares I have schizophrenia and just wait for me to effort for my goal and left me like this.

Is this the only thing I can do in life? Will I be having my own money by the time I got money from others? I feel sad like I think of living by myself and never meet them again if I survived on my own and pass this phase of life alone.

If my neighbour can rent a house/room and still worth it kind of spendings in life, I feel like it's okay to do the same and rent a room for myself. It really looks and feels like I will become strong by myself, it's just common sense to work but after my difficult days of multiple memory loss suddenly I'm having to work until December then it's O level to do? I'm at constant focus and no nicer life imagination at all?