Got my haircut already!

I see a lot of white hairs on me, it's bad I looked really old, then I posted an image at TikTok then I look young instead, I really wish I'm a married man, hoping to be a grandfather 1 day. I know doctors maybe ever said if I have baby with Wahdiah, the baby will have eczema since baby, then if Shahridah, the baby will be always sick, it's hard, like marrying 4 is the real thing, like I will really marry Sakinah and have babies with her that will have 4 "Moms". Definitely will become calling "Mak", "Ibu", "Mummy" and "Mama". Aku berangan sampai outer space hahaha. It's funny but then Shahridah already being called "Mdm" in school doesn't it mean she's married? I really have no one when turning 38 years old now, it's weird my life I have nobody in the end, even Sakinah don't pity me at all.

It's sad my life, it's a lot of writing repeats and the same stories of Alisha over and over, because there's like no repentance too, I'm sad they both(Wahdiah and Shahridah) willing to leave me for over 15 years long, I really have no one that will help me, the imagination created by Alisha was too much then she was not penalized is bugging my life.

I wonder what will happen to my life, if I can really work well like doctor's judgement, the place was like doctor ever spoke of me working there before it even exist, it's weird I was like ever there before when it's really empty with only field or forestry, then now it's filled with structures and expensive looking bus stop, the difference at Tampines was really felt a lot at there, then I imagine myself having no friends, will I even make new friends they all look busy at work kind of people like I will have no conversation with anyone at all, I wonder if I will really work well at there. April is the starting day, it's still quite close just half month to go, I don't have anyone guiding me about life and I've been living on my own. I spent $1000 easily with other hundreds on drinking during Ramadan, then now worried of my money then April I will be saved by getting a real job, I know doctors ever said I will work there so maybe I will somehow stay for a long time at there.

I really wonder if I will really become a Psychologist like doctor said, or the other doctor last year said "in 5 years time I will be Psychiatrist(or Psychologist) at I.M.H", it means the estimation of me being a Psychologist is around 43 years old, means I will do well in my O-level(2027), take my A-level(2028), Degree in Psychology(2029), Master Degree in Psychology(2030) it's 42 years old? Is Degree and Master Degree really only 1 Year? Will I take Diploma in Year 2028? Can I really be somebody can't doctor just tell me yet how my growth will be?

I'm really excited to be a normal salary person, I know I can't think of Sakinah anymore 1 day because she don't contact me, I'm helplessly and hopelessly in love with her, I can't get myself to not be in love with her I have tried, I just didn't have the heart to self-damage and injure my relationship with her permanently. Why is she being like this to me like not helping me at all? Why can't I remember what I deal with Wahdiah and Shahridah? They really left me understanding that I have schizophrenia and memory loss easily, how did they believe is because doctor's answer was around? They got their peace of mind having doctor's answer while I don't know what I will become? Even if 1 doctor said "Psychologist/Psychiatrist", how can I believe it, at 43 years old? 2031(43 years old), now is 2026(38 years old), can I really become somebody and really removed my Tattoo by then?