My phase of working normally from jobclub is only starting. I have 1 more day left working at Jobclub then I will start to be working at Tampines, I will miss the days of my life that was bad in mental health and I started to feel like wanting to learn Psychology again, but it is okay I guess whatever I become I really don't know, I start to remember that I learn life by definition due to memory loss since baby days, means I actually don't know my mother multiple times since baby days, it's really harsh the schizophrenia then remembering Sakinah, that I can't forget anymore ever since K2, I fall in love with her for so long then nobody help me get her faster that I feel like trying at 1 point of time I saw her at Innova Junior College and Woodlands M.R.T, I'm sad I still don't get her until now age becoming 38 years old.
Wahdiah and Shahridah had left me for over 10 years and living their life well without me despite my memory having helping them(like Sakinah) to get their current jobs, they still don't care about me, it proves that hacker is a specialty that can get a Diploma and Degree standard people to be hired into company, means if they hire me 1 day, to hire them along, but for Shahridah it's different, it's a free hack for primary school to be successful in whatever goals that require hacking, my memory is like this but I don't know if they will be told anything like my mother lied I only entered I.M.H 2 times. It's weird to want to believe that is like impossible.
My Simba data usage: 1.72gb/400gb.
30th March my last day at jobclub then I start work 1st-3rd April on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday I'm really happy but I hope I truly become story of doctor that I will become a doctor in "5 years"(4 years if count from now), because the conversation was last year I think, it feels really fast but I still don't remember the conversation fully, if it's 2 years ago or not too but what makes sense to me is only last year if I think myself of this conversation with doctor because I remember the same company "CleanMark Solutions" so I assume it is really last year.
I hope I do well and become a better man like Hisyammuddin that changed from being difficult into a lot of ease from hardship into pleasures, I will do my best this April to become like him, I really hope I will be successful in this job and got reminded of things instead of it dashing into my brain, it's really painful, if I walk a lot I experience Dark Vision and painful sentences of Alysha became louder, I'm so unhappy and unlucky to know her I wonder when she will make it lucky for me.
I read words of Steve Jobs, "if thrown stones to build an empire with it", it means whatever words of Alysha, I should sue and earn money to build my future life, but I wonder when it will happen, maybe someone will remind me of how to do it hopefully, I can't be living strongly without money, it's like she got free damages to me if my parents don't give me money, like a free hit "for her". I hope someone sue her for me I remember doctor saying will Sue her for anhedonia created to me, I hope it happens soon, I hope money flow is not really by myself alone, I hope someone do something for me to feel stronger.
I received money from the one supervising me again, twice this time $3, previously $2 then at first was $10 - I'm so happy about it I imagine I should get chicken chop tomato rice 1 day with it. Hahaha. He say he respect me for doing my jobclub well, I'm happy doing it as fact wanting to work there in my heart but jobclub sent me to the vision of doctor "that I work as dishwasher earning $1500+ my 1st month", I hope it's right and I hang on to this stronger feeling I have nowadays, I truly want to be cured from schizophrenia and wondering how it can be faster, people ever been cured from it then happily living life without medicine anymore, I hope my turn is soon, I wonder if Hisyammuddin still needs medicine too, it's weird I really maybe disallowed to know about this. It's really tough this life for a schizophrenic.
No comments:
Post a Comment