I imagined like Puan Hamidah Bahashwan ever spoke of Dishwasher job at Tampines, so it's like about me the "sikit sikit lama-lama jadi bukit", means I earn from jobclub Abit then to another job and it's 1 thousand some hundreds of dollars per month I assume, then I wonder like she knows if I really cannot make it, I wonder when they will kesiankan and really give money then? She's a Psychologist that I wonder if knows about my love for Sakinah, like why won't she help me get Sakinah to be faster and earlier then? It's really hard to be in love then wonder who can help me, the imagination of Wali Allah to help became impossible after I'm reaching 38 years old and still apart from Sakinah, what makes them feel it's okay to be married at 40 years old, we didn't get to spend time together like going Shopping Centres? I'm really single life even now like 1 year or 2 year from 40 years old is not enough, to be cooking at home then up to 42 years old then window shop at shopping malls? My 43-50 years old will be spending time at home? Isn't it already too late to keep going out with lover now I'm already becoming 40 years old. Why didn't Hamidah Bahashwan as a Psychologist help me about money talks, why she effort on the idea of giving just a bit first? Why can't I experience the feeling of having money and nothing to ask from my family? Why I can't work and they know about it, even this Dishwasher job at Tampines like they knew that I would work here? Why at Masjid Sultan she gave imagination of getting $20K from parents and be back together with my lovers? Like it was created by them? They really create like they feel relationship is Haram anyway definitely they won't promote the girls to be back with me, I wonder how it's going to happen?
What do they mean "kalau dia nak sangat bagi dia" but then I never get anything? It's really just $1000 from my brother then nothing else, why as a Psychologist she don't mediate the family problems of me being schizophrenic and hard to get money but needing money, then compared to others "like the same" that they need to work themselves for money too, what does she mean "bagi tahu dia sikit-sikit"? I really will get Wahdiah and Shahridah back in my life? As a psychologist is it okay that she made me think this way?
It's really hard I really want the job as a hacker that doctor said I will be earning $20K/mth, it definitely means I believe doctor until that I think myself that I will become someone in Guinness World Record for Most Hacks in the World, nobody beat me yet after 20+years of hacking experience?
I remember Naim ever requested me to hack but with permission of doctor, he spied his Wife using computer at Sadiq's house after I hack the computer, then to chat with his friend pretending as "his other friend" questioning stuff. But it was permission of doctor the hack, I forgot my age but I think it's 30+ years old that I loss memory after the hack because I was too happy that I got to hack again, my eyes rolled up and became white eye = loss of memory occured.
I really remember that I will be paid $50 each hack 1 day when I don't use up money anyhow or wasting them, I told Naim the hacking is free because I know him but he insist of giving me $50 1 day for each hack. At Sadiq's house they experience the control of other computer and viewing of other computer after the hack, and Naim was just extracting information from his friend disguised as his other friend(due to Facebook profile - Messenger Chatbox) while his other friend sleeps and leave computer on for Naim to control after I've hacked. It was fun the experience and they all believe and witnessed that I'm a hacker. I wonder why doctor let me hack anyway, why not just a job to hack I.M.H patient because definitely will get something like - drugs information, secret society, terrorism interest, crime buddies, best friends to perform crime, suicide plans, suicide note "on specific date"(who knows we get to know suicide attempt first), it's better than me committing suicide its better I become a hacker and hack people and spy as it's my interest. I know when hacking I cannot be lustful of the target if it's a girl, because could be a friend(1 day) of same interest, but it's good what if the best thing is knowing threats of boyfriends? Isn't it fun to just let me hack computers?
The thing is hacking is so easy that I wonder if I will ever be employed, it's too easy something lightweight to perform, cant doctor send message to Spy Agencies and apply a hacker salary for me even?
Anyway D.U.I.T matters, "kesian bagi segala2nya" is what age? When I'm retired age of government? Hahaha it's really too bad they can't give me something I loss that I can't enjoy with Sakinah like "22 years old we went shopping together and play pool", I already missed this life experience and I can't believe if it's about me they feel it's okay to miss life experiences with Sakinah, I'm really sad I think I should move on, wonder what I should do, will Ustaz help me in matter of love? My heart really Ustaz let it be feeling in love since 6 years old without cure? Why is it like that? Why am I so unlucky?
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