Bought more stuff

It's weird in my memories like I ever bought this earphone before, I wonder what happened after that, TWS J18 Wireless Earbuds on TikTok, then I also bought 8 Surah Pilihan, I plan to do what I wanted to do since primary school - reading Yassin daily, I hope I gain supernatural powers from doing this, it will be a daily thing, I think it's less than 10 minutes each read of Yassin so I just want to spare some time for it.

I think it's worth the buy, I will just work anyway even if earn little at least earn money, if I don't smoke I should have enough and not money shortage from buying these. I plan to quit, today I smoke only 2 rolls of 2pieces of paper tobaccos, it's small and slim, so little maybe if combined into a cigarette with filter, it is like half or less than half of a cigarette, it's been like this for some days already, I hope my crave decreases and I gain strength to quit like this.

I am planning to open the box that my mother keep as have kain, then to use it for Solat, I really don't know, I really feel like going Masjid Assyakirin every Sunday for Ustaz Harun's lessons but I don't know, I want to remove tattoo too but I work next week onwards, I maybe want to become a changed man first before going to learn matters of Islam.

I remember it's harsh memories that I hear voices saying the pondan are keturunan Rasullullah s.a.w I posted so many things then even if Allah looks he don't mind the publicity I could gain from it, it's weird my life hearing voices made me believe things, maybe if I keep repeating something I will really believe? It means I really can become a psychologist or psychiatrist on 2029? Wow, I really will work hard? Will I be okay to Solat and study at the same time? Will I be okay to wake up early morning for Subuh but then go to class that same morning too won't I be tired? Can I become a good person at all?

I'm thinking why Sakinah let me be growing up thinking of her, actually growing old, she didn't pity me just a bit to heal me up like too bad for me I fall in love then the person don't care about me to be the reality like that? It's weird a love impact expression didn't get positive outcome even if it's true love, something that feels neverending? Why God makes me suffer like this I don't understand and I don't know if Ustaz Harun ever said anything before about love, but it's sad I am not comforted anything maybe, I really need comforting words to guarantee my love wish is granted but none of them confirmed with me anything, isn't it because of barrier that relationship as something Haram in Islam? I really have no luck at all?