Day 233 outside ward(281 on medications)

My Simba data usage: 2.56gb/400gb.

Yesterday I got lucky it's holiday, I remembered doctor said on Friday will be Good Friday last year so I will work only 2 days the first week. I remembered about doctor late after I discover it's Good Friday. It's sad the panic was felt for real as I can't do my job that day due to the uneasy feelings from voices of Alysha, I took my medicine so I wonder why is it around or like can cause a damage to my health, it's maybe because I work a lot then she demoralize me to quit and imagined that I lose all my money if I quit having to pay for the "agent fee" I think, it's really harsh her "mastermind" is really weird it happen to my life her neighbour that family is nice to her like giving money and love her, she suddenly never smiled anymore and became angry looking all the time, it's weird she used to smile a lot since baby days, why her schizophrenia was not treated anyway?

I will work on Monday hopefully I don't dirty my denim shoes it costs $20+, even if cheap it's a nice shoe for jalan-jalan that I use for dishwashing, I bought a $16+ chef/kitchen shoe for dishwashing it will arrive on 8th April I hope I do well in this job, the energy to work will restart when the shoe is around so it will be amazing feelings when shoe is around. Previously I cancelled the other types due to Alysha's voices then I just decide to buy a nicer looking one anyway. The point it is waterproof and easy to wash. I don't know why I have to feel like a weight like this in my life.

Next week going to be 5 days of work, then another 5 days of work, then off day for I.M.H appointment on Monday and 4 days of work. I really will work well? Story of doctor seems like that, I don't know when doctor will talk to me again because I "abuse" the power by telling I will become psychiatrist/psychologist to the nurse/O.T when flirt with them, hahaha, but it's right anyway I'm too lonely and I don't have someone in my life, they're weirdly nice reaction anyway, I got to pass through jobclub successfully without feeling shame. I'm so lucky I did well in jobclub.

I hope doctor tell me more news about my working here, about my decisions and problems I encounter and how I handle them, stuff like yesterday's feeling how it went away? It's really heavy to my heart and mind then I needed the off then it's public holiday luckily.

I haven't played my RG477V like I told I.M.H researcher that I play everyday I plan it to be like that, because of anhedonia I can't play it daily.