Panic and Fear

I think the symptom of quitting cigarette appear again, I feel fear and panic in my heart then I don't feel easy how I earn only $311.28 and accepting the new job that start next week, then I cancel before it started because I can't take it how I lose like $300 or $200 because the common sense of half month working is $800 if I work because my salary is $1600, then I get only $300+. It's sad like that.

Nobody fought for me even the O.T don't remember I ever work there before I just okayed at whatever she said that my last jobclub is 2018 that I didn't come, means it was earlier years I ever work at CleanMark, the salary cut off is too much I feel poor even if I get to spend on books and earbuds.

Currently my heart don't feel nice at all, I'm sad and angry how psychic did not help me talk to jobclub but I am left in panic and fear of pain, it sucks like this, I think I don't have someone that cares about me as fact like the reader could be just harvester/collector of writing instead of doctors like I imagine, then I have no friends at all. The jobclub money I didn't receive then imagine penalty money, I really shouldnt work with jobclub anymore the experience is too bad.

It's like a stuck feeling the panic and fear in my heart because of shortage of tobaccos, I have to bear with this for 10 or 20 days to quit cigarette. It's really sad nobody understand like they would call up to jobclub after understanding but then disallowing me to message in my imagination to cancel it away, like a confrontation instead when I have schizophrenia, it's not peaceful at all the way jobclub manage my life. It's stupid feelings they should just let me off and live my life already.